


Begin Again

by TeaEnthusiast



Category: Game of Thrones (TV), I Medici | Medici: Masters of Florence (TV), Real Person Fiction, Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare
Genre: Cults, F/M, Flowers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-09-22 15:30:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9614219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaEnthusiast/pseuds/TeaEnthusiast
Summary: When Mel was kidnapped she made the room where she was kept for years her whole world. When she escapes to save her son and they meet Richard Madden, they realize the world can be much bigger, more complicated... and so much prettier.(Story as well as extras for it can be found on my tumblr; http://teaenthusiast65.tumblr.com/)





	1. Chapter 1

I leaned over and ran my hand through Robb’s hair. It’s such a strange mop of hair, it sticks flat to his head before it curls out at the end. Like he has been wearing an invisible cap. It’s not like my hair, my hair is long and straight, he must have inherited it from his father. I don’t like that.

But his hair is the same dirty-blond light-brown as my hair. His eyes are the same green as mine. I like that. I like that I can see myself in my son. It just reaffirms to me that he is mine.

He pulled his attention away from the train window and the world whizzing past outside and turned to look at me with an excited smile.

“Are you excited?” I asked.

“Super-duper excited.” He replied.

“Good.” I told him.

I needed to know that this was going to make him happy because it was not something I particularly wanted to do. Even though my parents had gone through an awful lot of trouble to organize it, reaching out to talk shows and such, just so we could have this opportunity. Opportunity millions of girls would kill for… But I was not one of those girls.

Sure, I was able to recognize what a big opportunity this was and I was able to be appreciative of all the work that had gone into getting this opportunity, but to me, this was about what Robb wanted. Not what I wanted. I wanted to be left in peace, I wanted to be as far away from any video cameras and any publicity that it might bring. I didn’t want to give them an opportunity to find us.

But Robb had just been so excited at the mere mention of meeting his hero that I had to relent. I had to give him what he wanted.

The truth was, I was worried about Robb. I worried that he wasn’t like normal kids and that it was my fault. But seeing him get so excited about meeting a celebrity, that was normal and I wanted to encourage that.

So even though it filled me with dread, I agreed to let him meet him.

“Do you think he will have his Direwolf with him?” asked Robb, bouncing excitedly on his seat.

“I don’t think so buddy.” I told him, using my pet name for him as I ran my hand through his hair again.

“What will we do?” he asked.

“I’m not really sure.” I told him honestly, “But he’s come a long way to see you. So make sure you say thank you.”

“How far away was he?”

“He was all the way in England. Do you remember me showing you where England was on the map?”

“Yep! All the way across the ocean.” He smiled.

“That’s right.” I smiled, “He had to travel all the way here to Australia, just so he could meet you.”

“He came in an aeroplane?” he asked.

“Yep. A really big one.”

“It flew through the air? Like a bird.”

“Yep. That’s exactly right.” I said as I ran my hand through his hair affectionately, leaning my elbow against the train window.

The closer the train brought us to the inner city of Melbourne, the more knots that formed in my stomach, clenching painfully with anxiety. But the moment I saw Robb’s tiny face lit up with such excitement, I knew I had made the right decision. This was for his benefit. Not mine.

“The next stop is Flinders Street.” Announced the robotic train voice.

“That’s us.” I told Robb as I stood up and offered my hand to him, “Hold my hand so I don’t lose you.” I said as a few people moved down the train towards the door.

Robb thrust his hand into mine as he headed towards the door excitedly. I let him pull me along as the train slowed to a stop and the doors opened. Stepping out onto the platform, I kept a tight grip on his hand as I lead him over to the barriers.

“Get out our train ticket.” I told him.

“Is the machine going to eat it?”

“Yep. Then the gates are going to open so we can go.”

I fed the machine out ticket and the gates pinged open a moment later, letting us exit the station and step out into the busy Melbourne street.

“Which way do we go?” he asked curiously.

“This way.” I told him, “He’s in that big building right there.” I said, pointing to the large sky scraper across the bridge from us, a large ‘L’ was visible.

As we walked along the bridge, Robb was bouncing up and down with such excitement his backpack was jiggling on his back. I smiled to myself as we walked across the Yarra bridge onto south bank, walking past the fancy restaurants along the river’s edge.

“Why is the water brown Mum?” asked Robb as we walked.

“Because it’s dirty.” I explained, “You know how the bath water goes a different colour once you’re in it?”

“Yeah.” He said, nodding in understanding.

Eventually we came to the Langhum hotel and I smiled at the doorman as he opened the doors for us and we stepped into the luxurious lobby.

It was made of cream coloured marble with gold trimmings. The carpet was a deep red and the roof stooped up into a chandelier.

Going to the front desk I smiled, “Hi, Melanie and Robb Porter here to see Richard Madden?” I asked.

The receptionist smiled as she glanced at her computer screen, “Yes ma’am, we have you on the list. I just call up to the room to see if they’re ready for you. Please take a seat.” She said, gesturing to the luxurious lounge chairs by one of the large marble columns.

I sat down on the couch and Robb sat down next to me, looking around in amazement.

“How old is this building Mum?”

“Very old.”

“Older than you?”

“Way older than me.”

“But you’re really old!”

“I’m twenty-one, that’s not old.” I defended.

“Its older than me.”

“How much older than you am I?”

“Um…” he said, his lips puckering in thought.

“Use your fingers.” I advised.

He turned to his hands and counted them, “You’re…. sixteen years older than me!” he declared.

“That’s right.” I smiled, “Your so clever! The cleverest five-year-old I know.”

He smiled happily, bouncing on the seat again as we waited. Eventually the receptionist came over, I was surprised how tall she was, standing behind the desk she had seemed a lot smaller.

“They’re just getting the camera’s ready. If you go up to level three they’ve reserved the ballroom for you. The film crew are waiting.” She smiled.

“Thanks.” I smiled.

Going over to the elevator and pressing the button for the third floor I began to feel butterflies flutter in my stomach as we walked down the hallway to where the ‘ballroom’ was. The door was open and I could see large bulky camera’s being set up.

“Melanie Porter?” asked a women wearing a sleek looking black suit, her dark hair slicked back against her head.

“Yes.” I smiled.

“Great. And this must be Robb?” she asked smiling down at him.

“Hi.” He smiled.

“I’m Stephanie, I’m Rich’s agent.” She explained.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you.”

“We’re almost ready to go we just need to fit you both with microphones.” She explained as we followed her into the room.

I deliberately did not look at the bulky black camera’s and the equipment as we entered the room. If I was going to get through this, I was going to need to ignore all that. The ballroom was exactly as advertised, there was a large wooden dance floor in the middle of the room, surrounded by carpet. I could see the tables and chairs folded up against the walls. The bar in the corner of the room was nearly hidden behind all the camera equipment. 

“Now Robb, we’re gonna stick this little microphone on you so we can hear what you’re saying.” Said Stephanie as she fixed the tiny black microphone onto the collar of his shirt.

“What if I just speak really loud?” he asked.

“Well then your voice might get sore and we don’t want that. So we’re just gonna stick this on you so we can hear you.” She explained before she straightened up and handed me one.

I stuck it to the collar of my shirt with ease.

“Would you like any make-up before we start?” she asked.

“No thanks.” I told her, “It’s not about me.”

“Alright,” said Stephanie as she looked down at her phone, “Camera’s rolling! I want one on the door and one on you two, if you could just stand right there.”

I moved to the spot she pointed to on the floor, Robb coming with me, “Here, let me take your back-pack buddy.” I said as I squatted down and helped him pull his arms out of the straps. 

Just as I was helping him out of the straps, the doors to the ballroom opened and in stepped Richard Madden, but I wasn’t looking at him, I was looking at Robb.

He turned to face the door and his little face lit up, his cheeks welled up underneath his eyes from a smile so wide that it seemed to split his face open. His eyes had all but disappeared due to his slightly chubby cheeks, but from the little slits of his eyes that I could see, they were bright with happiness.

Seeming so overcome with happiness, Robb ran forward just as Richard came down into squat and threw his arm around his neck.

I smiled as I watched the man pat his back gingerly as I finally took him in.

His chin was resting on Robb’s shoulder as he hugged him, a light dusting of light brown, slightly red facial hair lined his jaw and mouth. His eyes were a brilliant blue that caught me off guard for a moment, the television really didn’t do them justice, his eyes were a brilliant blue that reminded me of the ocean. His hair wasn’t as dark as it was on television, it was a mousy brown with a small blonde streak at the front. It curled against his head in a tamed mess of curls.

Straightening up, I hooked the tag of the backpack over my fingers as I watched the two embrace. I watched as a man with a camera mounted on his shoulder stooped down so he was at the same level as the two of them, getting a close up of the embrace.

Pulling back to look at Robb, I saw Richard was wearing a white shirt with a black logo on the front of it, with a pair of dark jeans. Ironically I was wearing something similar; a long sleeved white shirt with dark jeans.

“You must be Robb.” Smiled Richard, “I’ve heard so much about you.”

Robb simply smiled, seeming lost for words.

“I’ve got something for you.” He told him before he turned to Stephanie, who quickly handed him a plastic sword, which he handed to Robb, “It’s a sword.” He told him.

“So I can protect Winterfell?” asked Robb happily, holding the sword with both hands.

“Yeah.” Richard smiled.

“Mum!” said Robb as he ran over to me, “Richard gave me a sword!” he said excitedly, as if he had not been just two feet from me, where I could see him give it to him.

“Wow!” I marvelled, “Did you say thank you?” I asked as I looked down at him.

“Thank you.” Smiled Robb turning to look at Richard.

“That’s alright.” He said as he turned his attention to me, “Hi, I’m Richard.” He smiled a surprisingly white smile as he extended his hand to me.

I found it oddly charming that even though he knew that I knew his name (seventy percent of the world knew his name) he still though to introduce himself to me. And even though I knew he knew my name, I smiled and shook his hand, “Hi, I’m Melanie.”

“Nice to meet you Melanie.” He told me as his eyes drifted quickly down my body, taking in my entire appearance for a split second before he turned his attention back to Robb, “Do you know how to use that?” he asked, gesturing to the sword.

“Stick them with the pointy end.” He replied.

Richard laughed, “Well I brought my sword. I thought I could show you how to use it and we could have a duel.”

“Yeah!”

Placing my hands in my back pockets, I stood back, out of the view of the camera’s and let Richard show Robb how to use his plastic sword.

Suddenly Stephanie was at my side, “How do you feel about all this?” she asked.

I noted with interest that one of the cameras that wasn’t focusing on the two boys and was now pointed at me. It made me uncomfortable, especially because he was so close to me.

“I think it’s good. I haven’t seen Robb that excited in a long time.” I smiled before I turned to look back at the two of them, hoping that because I had answered her question that they would stop pointing the camera at me.

I watched as Richard completely engaged Robb on his level. It wasn’t in a condescending way that most adults addressed children with, and what I had expected him to talk to Robb with. Instead he spoke to him with a level of excitement and enthusiasm that Robb returned with gusto.

The two of them sat down on the floor as Robb peppered him with questions about Game of Thrones, which Richard gladly answered.

The way I explained Game of Thrones to Robb was that it was a place where Richard worked, similar to how Grandma and Grandpa went to work. Though I hadn’t quite gotten around to telling him that Winterfell wasn’t a real place just yet, he was so caught up in the excitement of Direwolves and Dragons, that I saw no reason to shatter that illusion his five-year-old mind had conjured.

“What do you do when there is a scary bit on Game of Thrones?” asked Richard curiously.

I noticed that when Robb ran out of questions, he would ask him questions, acting as a strange sort of interview.

“I close my eyes and mum tells me what happens.” He explained, turning to look at me with a smile.

“Your mum doesn’t let you watch the scary bits?”

“No. She says I can when I’m older.”

“Do you have a favourite bit?”

“I like when there is sword fighting.”

“Well you’re pretty good at sword fighting. Shall we have a duel?” asked Richard with a smile.

“Yeah!” said Robb excitedly, jumping to his feet.

The cameras were eating the two of them up as they went out to the dancefloor and had a mock duel. Richard faked getting hurt eventually, dropping to his knees and clutching his side where Robb had ‘stabbed him’.

“I yield. You win.” He cried.

“Mum I won! Did you see that? Did you see me?” cried Robb excitedly as he ran over to me, still carrying his sword.

“That’s amazing buddy!” I said as I leaned down and wrapped my arms around his middle as he wrapped his arms around my neck. I lifted him off the floor and hugged him to me, sending Richard a happy and grateful smile over Robb’s shoulder.

The camera’s zoomed in on us and I closed my eyes, focusing on the hug and not the camera’s.

The ballroom doors opened again and I whirled around to see a trolley being brought in with a silver cloche covering the plate of food so I could not see what it was.

Robb pulled his head away from my neck to look at the trolley, “What’s that Mum?”

“I don’t know.” I said honestly as I shifted my hold on him so his legs dangled either side of my hip.

“That’s a special treat for the both of you.” Said Richard with a smile.

“For the both of us?” I asked, turning to look at him with a frown, this wasn’t about me. I didn’t need a treat.

“Yep.” Smiled Richard as he led us over to the trolley.

“What do you think it is?” asked Robb quietly.

“I don’t know. We’ll have to wait and see.” I said as I desperately tried to ignore the camera’s following our every move.

Richard took his position behind the trolley, “I’ve been told that you have never eaten this Robb and that it’s been five years since you’ve eaten this Melanie.” He said as he gestured to the dish.

That didn’t really narrow it down. There were a lot of things I had gone without for the last five years and even more things that Robb had never tried. But given the setting, I assumed it was some sort of food.

“I present to you,” announced Richard grandly as he removed the cloche, “Our lunch.”

I laughed when I saw what was underneath it.

“Mum is that ice cream?” asked Robb, staring down at the plate in awe.

“Yes it is.” I told him as I looked down at the creamy substance that had haunted my dreams.

“Can I have some?”

“Of course you can!” interrupted Richard, “It’s for you.”

Robb’s face lit up with glee again as I sat him down on the ground, Richard handed him a spoon and the small tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

Digging his spoon into the side eagerly, I watched as Robb placed the spoon in his mouth before he pulled a face, “It’s cold!” he told me in alarm.

Everyone laughed.

“Do you like it?” I asked curiously.

“It’s yummy.” He told me as he dug his spoon into the mixture again, “But why is it cold?”

Another ripple of laughter went around the room.

“What’s so funny?” asked Robb.

Holding out a spoon, Richard handed me the other tub of ice cream, “This one’s for you.” He smiled.

I was a little stunned for a moment by just how attractive he was when he smiled. The way his eyes twinkled mischievously and a dimple formed near them, was brilliantly set off by how charming his smile was.

“Thank you.” I smiled as I took the cold tub and dug my spoon into it.

I stared at the creamy mixture on the end of my spoon for a moment and was overcome with emotion. How many times had I dreamed of ice cream? How many times had I longed for the sweet and creamy bliss that ice cream brought?

I lost count of how many times I would lay in bed at night, longing for the carefree summer days filled with ice cream and swimming. For so long I had thought that I would never have something as sweet as ice cream again and now, here it was being offered to me by a celebrity.

Taking a deep breath, I placed the spoon in my mouth, letting the ice cream roll onto my tongue and melt so that the entire flavour filled my mouth, I let out an audible moan as I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation, “Oh my god.”

Richard laughed.

“That’s the first time you’ve had ice cream in five years isn’t it?” asked Stephanie from behind the camera.

“Uh huh.” I nodded as I dug my spoon into the mixture eagerly, “Six actually.”

“Is it as good as you remembered?” asked Richard.

“Even better.” I smiled before I turned to him, “Do you want some?”

“Sure.” He smiled.

I offered him my spoon, wondering briefly if he would mind sharing. But he didn’t even hesitate to grab the spoon and dig it into the creamy mixture. He stepped closer to me as he did and I felt a small rush of panic go through me. A familiar sense of fear that always happened when I felt someone getting too close to me.

But I didn’t want to be rude and step away from him, so instead, I focused on looking at his mouth as his lips closed around the spoon that was now covered in ice cream.

I’d never noticed in all my viewings of him on television, but Richard actually had quite nice lips, even though they were partially hidden by his mismatched facial hair. His lips looked quite soft and before I could stop myself, I imagined what it would have been like to kiss him…

I was abruptly pulled from my strange thoughts when Richard pulled back and smiled, “It’s pretty good.” He told me through a mouthful of ice cream, handing me back the spoon as he did.

“Agreed.” I smiled as I realized I had unconsciously been leaning forward as I watched him. I shifted my weight onto the balls of my feet, very subtly putting a little distance between us that worked to ease the fear that clutched at my stomach.

After the ice cream, Robb developed a sugar high and proceeded to run around the ballroom while the camera crew packed up their equipment.

Satisfied that I was no longer in danger of being filmed, I approached Richard. I hooked my thumbs into the belt ties of my jeans and ducked my head as I thought through what I wanted to say. For the whole day I had gotten away with not saying much and having very little interaction with Richard, but now that our time was coming to a close, I felt that I needed to say something.

I wasn’t nervous because he was a celebrity. I was nervous because he had gone out of his way to do something nice for me and I wasn’t used to that. I was a stranger who he had never met, yet he flew half way around the world to play with my kid because he thought it might make him happy.

In watching Richard with Robb, I could see that he was not only kind, but gracious. He didn’t take himself too seriously and wasn’t above playing childish games. He didn’t treat Robb like he was extremely fragile or different like most adults, he treated him like a kid and I was so grateful for that.

Watching him with Robb, it was easy to forget that he was a world renown celebrity and I was a small town girl who had lived on a farm for the last six years. 

“Hi.” I said, my voice coming out a little louder than I intended.

“Hi.” Said Richard, turning to face me.

“I just wanted to say thank you for doing all this. I know it’s meant a lot to Robb and it was really good to see him smile.” I said honestly. I hoped my gratitude showed through in my voice.

“It was my pleasure.”

“Thank you for not treating him like he’s… different.” I added, it was important for him to know that.

“He’s a great kid.” He smiled.

“He looks up to you.” I told him.

“I know you’ve probably had this offer from heaps of people, but if there is ever anything you need, I’d be happy to help.” He said, a serious note creeping into his voice.

I did not doubt his sincerity; it was plain in his beautiful blue eyes that had me hypnotized for a moment.

“Thanks. But I honestly don’t need anything.” I told him, “I just need more people to treat us like we’re normal.”

I wasn’t sure where my unexpected honesty had come from, but Richard had been so good with Robb that I felt he was owed a little truth from me.

We both turned to watch Robb run around the room, still clutching his sword tightly in his hand.

“I’d like to keep in contact with Robb, if that’s alright with you.” He said suddenly.

I turned to look at him curiously, what had he just said?

“I’ll give you my email address and you and Robb can write to me.” He explained.

I blinked in shock, I honestly hadn’t thought this experience would go beyond today. Now he was offering to become my son’s pen pal? That was too much! I was sure he had better things to do, more demands on his time.

“You don’t have to do that.” I dismissed.

“I know I don’t have to. But I want to.” He said.

I stared at the floor uncomfortably, why was he doing this? Why was he being so nice? I knew it had to be motivated from pity, but that only went so far. Surely he had done all that pity would motivate him to do. Why go above and beyond that by extending his contact with my son?

“There’s no camera’s watching, I’m not doing this for charity or anything.” He explained and I felt his blue gaze on me, “I just want to make sure he’s alright. Like I said, he’s a great kid.”

I sighed deeply before I looked up at him.

There was no malice in his eyes, no sympathy or pity that I had grown accustom to, just a strange sense of pleading. Robb was an amazing kid; it didn’t surprise me that he had made Richard so fond of him in such a short amount of time. But was it really wise to extend this kind of relationship between the two of them?

But it wasn’t about me. It was about Robb and what Robb would want. And I knew he would want to extend his moment with his hero for as long as possible.

Still torn with in decision, I finally nodded my head with agreement.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

“Alright, so you sit on my lap and tell me what you want to say.” I said as I positioned the laptop on the table in front of us, my arms either side of Robb, poised to start typing.

“And I can say anything I want and he will see it?” he asked as he stared at the computer screen.

“Yep. Anything at all.”

“Um… say hello?”

I quickly typed the word.

“Wow!” he marvelled, “What else should I say?”

“Tell him about what you’ve been doing.” I advised.

 

March 6th 

To: Richard Madden

From: Melanie Porter

‘Hello Richard,

I just had my first day at school ever! I was really smart because I already knew how to count to one-hundred and none of the other kids did.

I wasn’t allowed to bring my sword to school but I have been practicing a lot to make sure when we fight again I beat you. Mum has been trying to help me practice sword fighting by pretending to be Brianne of Tarth, I don’t think she’s tall enough but it’s fun to fight her.

What have you been doing? Do you get to do much sword fighting when you’re not at work at Game of Thrones?

Mum and I have been trying a lot of new things, seeing as we don’t know what we like, so we are going to try everything! So far I really like ice cream and Mum really likes Hamburgers.

Thank you for reading my letter.

Bye.’

 

“What do we do now?” asked Robb, turning to look at me.

“We click the send button up there.” I said, pointing to the appropriate button in the corner of the computer screen with the mouse.

“And it will whizz through the air and Richard will see it?”

“Yep.”

“Can I click the button?”

“Of course.”

Placing his hand on the mouse, he moved it so that it hovered over the send button before he gave an almighty ‘click’ and the email was sent.

…

Technology was weird.

I saw no reason as to why I had to go out and buy a Smart Phone when I had a perfectly good Nokia mobile already! But my mother insisted that no one had Nokia phones anymore.

It must have looked quite strange as we sat in the food court to see a fifty-year-old woman teaching a twenty-one-year-old how to use an ‘IPhone’ by all rights it should be the other way around. But since I had been on hiatus for the world for the past six years, I was a little behind on a lot of things.

One of the first things I had done when I was able to, was to google the most significant events that had arisen since 2010 and a lot of it was quite depressing.

Like the Japanese tsunami in 2011, the Sandy Hook shooting in 2012, the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013 and some Malaysian plane going missing in 2014. How on earth did an entire plane full of people go missing? And they still hadn’t found it yet.

But there were lot of good things as well; they finally caught Osama Bin Laden and Prince William and Kate Middleton got married; they even had two children now which I thought was lovely.

“And this is Snapchat.” Said my mother, leaning over to show me a small yellow icon with a white ghost, “this is where you can send pictures and videos of things to other people.”

“But I can do that in a text message can’t I?”

“Yeah, but this is what Snapchat is for.”

“Why do I need an entirely different program to send pictures and videos if I can do it with text messaging?”

“I don’t know! Your generation invented this. Not mine.” She huffed, seeming amused.

“From what I can see, my generation is just full of narcissist. I didn’t get the whole Myspace thing back in the day, now they have Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and it’s just like, who cares?” I asked no one in particular.

“Your family cares. They want to know what you’ve been up to and how you are.” She told me.

“Yes, I must be the only twenty-one-year-old whose Facebook and phone contacts all consist of family.” I said rolling my eyes.

“So go out and make some friends.” She advised, “Join a book club or a gardening club! You’ve really been enjoying those gardening books, why don’t you try and find some people who share your interest?”

“The only people who share an interest in gardening are eighty-year-old men and women who talk to their plants.” I replied.

She sighed deeply, “I just worry about you, not having anyone around your age to talk to.”

“I talk to you. That’s enough for now.” I smiled.

She didn’t seem convinced.

“Even Robb has made friends at school. It would do you good to hang out with people your own age.” She said.

I sighed deeply, “I don’t have anything in common with people my own age. That’s my point.”

“You might be surprised. There are a few young mothers at Robb’s school. I’m sure they’d love to catch up for coffee or something with you, after you all drop your kids off at school.” She suggested.

“What are we supposed to talk about?” I asked.

“Life. Things that have happened to you.”

“I don’t think I’ve had the same kind of upbringing as they did Ma.” I said simply.

That shut her up.

No, I had not had a typical upbringing. I had not had a typical life for the last six years at all. Which meant that I found it increasingly difficult to communicate with other people my age.

As far as my social interactions went, I talked to my parents, Robb and the Check-Out ladies at the Supermarket. Not exactly a raging and bustling social life but it was enough for me for now. And it was far more varied that my social life had been in six years, so I really didn’t see where her worry came from.

I would get there in time. She just needed to give me time.

…

Despite my trepidation about Snapchat, I actually became strangely addicted after just a few days. I liked to film just silly little videos that made no sense or had anything to do with my day to day life.

I was out grocery shopping when I was absolutely blown away by the amount of Easter chocolate that was already on sale. The brightly coloured eggs were everywhere! As were the signature Easter Bunny ears and hot cross buns.

Whipping out my phone, I filmed a panning shot of the chocolate collection, “It’s beginning to feel a lot like Easter.” I said before I turned the phone around to capture my face, “I mean, it’s not like it happens every year!” I said sarcastically before I finished recording.

I didn’t care if my extended family liked or even understood my little videos but I liked them. Robb liked them and it made me feel as if I was bridging the technological gap, that had formed between me and my peers.

I was sitting in the lounge room googling what plants grew best in the summer when my email pinged and I blinked in shock when I realized who it was from.

“Hey Robb! Come here for a second bud.” I called.

He came rushing into the room, his bare feet padding against the floorboards, he was holding his sword and seemed a little breathless.

“You’ve got an email from Richard.” 

“Really?” he asked as he climbed onto the couch with me, “Read it to me!”

 

March 11th

To: Melanie Porter

From: Richard Madden

‘Dear Robb,

I was so glad to read your email.

Ice cream is amazing and I’m not surprised that it’s your favourite. But what is your favourite flavour? And what is your Mum’s favourite type of hamburger.

School is very important and I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Have you made any friends yet?

I have actually been really busy promoting my new movie called Bastille Day all over the world. I sadly don’t get to do much sword fighting now that I’m not on Game of Thrones anymore but I do get to play with guns and stuff in my new movie, that’s pretty fun. Though not as fun as sword fighting.

But I will make sure to practice my sword fighting so next time we duel I can win.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Richard.’

 

“Wow!” he marvelled, “Can we write back?”

“Of course,”

 

March 11th

To: Richard Madden

From: Melanie Porter

‘Dear Richard,

My favourite flavour of ice cream is chocolate chip. Mum says her favourite Hamburger is the crumbed chicken hamburger.

I’ve made one friend, a girl in my class named Cassy who taught me how to do cartwheels! Mum filmed me doing one on her phone and put it on Snapchat so everyone could see. She didn’t believe me that I could do a real cartwheel, but I showed her!

We went to the beach for the first time and I showed her my cartwheel and got sand on my hands. I didn’t like the sand too much but I liked the water. I liked jumping over the waves. I kept thinking they would stop because whoever was jumping in the ocean to make the waves must have been getting tired but they never did.

I’m practicing sword fighting and cartwheels. I tried to do a cartwheel holding the sword and it was really fun but I broke the sword so now I have to use a stick.

Do you get to play with guns because you’re playing cops and robbers? That’s the only time I have a gun, but it’s just pretend.

Bye.’

 

March 12th

To: Melanie Porter

From: Richard Madden

‘Dear Robb,

Chocolate chip is a great ice cream flavour. Mine is salted caramel. And I don’t actually know what my favourite hamburger is called but I get it from this special little shop called ‘Tuck Shop’ in the East End of London; they make the best hamburgers.

That’s pretty impressive that you can do a cartwheel! But I’m not sure I believe you. I couldn’t do a cartwheel when I was your age. Tell your mum to add me on snapchat so I can see; richardmadden86

It’s too bad you broke your sword but that just mean you’re getting stronger so we will have to get you a stronger sword that won’t break.

I do actually play cops and robbers in my new movie. I start off as a robber but then I get to be a cop, so that is fun.

I haven’t been to the beach in a long time. It’s too cold in London where I live to go to the beach very often. You’re lucky you live in such a nice place where you can go to the beach whenever you want.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Richard.’

 

“Can we send Richard a snapchat video Mum?” asked Robb excitedly.

“Sure.” I smiled.

I typed Richard’s name into my phone before I poised it so the two of us where in the screen together, “Say Hi Richard.” I advised as I pressed the recording button.

“Hi Richard!” said Robb, waving his hand in front of the screen happily.

I simply smiled and sent a little wave myself before the recording finished and it was sent.

“Shall we write Richard another email?”

“Yeah!”

 

March 13th

To: Richard Madden

From: Melanie Porter

‘Dear Richard,

When I play cops and robbers I always pretend to be a robber because I run really fast so the police can’t catch me. I’m really good at hiding too, the other day I was playing hide and seek with my friend Cassy and my new friend Jarrod and the two of them couldn’t find me for ages!

I covered myself with wood chips and was really still so they didn’t see me. Mum got annoyed because I had woodchips all in my hair but I didn’t mind. I won the game. I the best at hiding!’

 

My phone suddenly vibrated and I turned to see that I had a new snapchat message from Richard.

“Look Robb,” I said showing him the phone, not bothering to hide my surprise, “Richard sent us a snapchat.”

Robb leaned against my shoulder as the snapchat from Richard opened, from what I could tell, it was night time and he was on a train, he was wearing a thick coat and held the phone out in front of him so his smiling face filled the entire screen. The first thing I noticed was that the blue of his eyes seemed somewhat subdued in the video than it was in real life.

“Hey guys! How’s it going?” he smiled.

I was a little surprised to hear the Scottish accent in his voice, I had forgotten that he was Scottish when in Game of Thrones he had an entirely different accent, “Awesome cartwheel Robb.” He said showing a thumbs up to the camera before the video ended.

“Wow!” marvelled Robb.

“That’s pretty cool isn’t it?” I smiled.

“Can we send a video back?”

“Why don’t we finish your email first then we will send him another video.” I suggested.

But just as I finished typing Robb’s email, he was distracted by Dora the Explorer coming onto the television and completely forgot the snapchat video.

I simply shook my head in amusement, marvelling at his short attention span. As I did, I glanced down at my phone to see I had a new snapchat message waiting for me.

Frowning I opened it to see that there was no picture or video, just a line of text from Richard that read, ‘Saw you other Snapchat video. It was funny. But why don’t you like Easter?’

I blinked in shock, a little surprised that Richard would be reaching out to me this way. Normally his correspondence had solely been between him and Robb. Now he wanted to communicate with me? Why?

I had completely forgotten about the video I had uploaded the other day and it took me a moment to realize what he was talking about.

Deciding that it was only polite to reply, I quickly typed him a message; ‘Easter is fine. I just don’t see why such a big deal is made of it. Every. Single. Year.’

His reply was almost immediate; ‘Don’t be such a Grinch. Eat some chocolate.’

I grinned as I typed back a response; ‘The Grinch only hated Christmas. I in fact love Christmas, so get your mythology right before you try insulting people.’

I hadn’t intended to be so sassy but it just happened naturally and I had sent the snapchat before I had even really thought through what I had said or how it might offend him. That came about ten seconds too late.

He hadn’t been trying to insult me! Why had I insinuated that he had? He was just being funny! I was just trying to be funny! Now he probably thought I was some grammar Nazi, who couldn’t take a joke.

Just when I was beginning to fret and word an apology message to him in my head, he replied; ‘Terribly sorry for the mix up. Shall I refer to you as The Cat in the Hat instead?’

His reply made me smile; ‘Why Cat in the Hat?’

‘It was the only Dr. Seuss character I could think of.’

‘The Cat in the Hat is fair. Only if I can call you The Lorax.’

‘Why the Lorax?’

‘Because you have the same weird, colour mismatched, facial hair.’

‘Fair point. Sounds like your just jealous because you can’t grow any.’

I laughed loudly causing Robb to turn away from the television and look at me, “What’s so funny?” he demanded.

“Nothing.” I smiled as I held the phone up and pulled my hair over my lip so it looked like a moustache. I then took a quick picture of it with a caption to send to Richard; ‘says who?’

A moment later I received a picture of a smiling Richard, his thumb and forefinger cupping his chin to point out his facial hair. The caption read; ‘mines better.’

And there it was. I laughed again.

It was such a natural and carefree action that I hadn’t thought about it. I just did it. And I realized that I hadn’t done it in a while.

Sure I had laughed recently, but it had always been around other people. Where I could practically feel them waiting for the appropriate reaction of laughter, so I forced it out. But now, I was doing it with no one around and under no pressure from anyone to do so.

It felt nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pen Friends. Isn't it adorable? Not just between Rich and Robb, but Rich and Mel. To find out more about the story and see all the little extras that go with it, check out my tumblr: http://teaenthusiast65.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

That was really the beginning for the epic Snapchat conversations that Richard and I would go on to have.

Whenever I would post a new video on Snapchat, he was quick to message me with his thoughts and reactions on it.

Half the time I posted them without even thinking that he would see them as my contacts were made up of mostly my family.

But he would always comment and just when our conversation would lull and I thought he had finally lost interest, I would post a new video and he would comment again, starting up an entirely new conversation. 

I had no idea why he seemed to like my videos so much. They were silly.

One morning I walked into the bathroom to see Robb and mines tooth brushes in the holder, the brush parts sticking together. It looked as if they were kissing. So I whipped out my phone and spoke into the camera, “So I walk into the bathroom to find this,” I began before I turned the phone around to show the two kissing toothbrushes, “Clearly I’m interrupting something!” I burst out in mock offense. 

Not even a minute after posting the video, I received a snapchat from Richard. It was a picture of him looking at the camera in mock horror with the caption; ‘caught in a compromising situation!’

I’d laughed loudly before replying; ‘The scandal! Two tooth brushes kissing!’

Our conversations were always light and fluffy and it was nice not to have someone wanting to have a deep and meaningful conversation with me as everyone seemed to want to do with me nowadays.

I could understand to a certain extent; everyone knew about the horrors I had experienced for six years and they thought the best way to help me move on from it was to make sure that I knew they were perfectly fine with talking about it if I wanted to.

But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to talk about it at all.

Despite everyone telling me that I needed to speak about it to sort through it, that I should speak to a Doctor or someone so that I could move past it, I didn’t listen. The only way I was going to be able to move past everything that had happened to me was to never talk about it.

The only person that didn’t seem to want to talk about it with me was Richard and I was eternally grateful for that. I looked forward to his messages as they always made me laugh and it seemed I was able to make him laugh in turn.

I found myself developing a certain amount of affection for Richard. Not just because of our light hearted conversations but because throughout his busy schedule he still kept writing to Robb. He seemed to genuinely enjoy hearing about the details of Robb’s life and Robb was more than happy to tell him about anything and everything that came to his mind.

Seeing how excited Robb would get whenever he heard that Richard had responded to his email made me smile for a completely different reason to the Snapchat conversations. It was obvious how much Robb admired him and I couldn’t help but share in that admiration, because of just how genuinely nice he was.

It was so rare to find someone, who was genuinely just a good person and it didn’t take me long to realize that Richard was exactly that. 

…

“What do you want for breakfast?” I asked Robb as I stood in the kitchen, pointing to the top shelf where the cereal boxes were, “Do you want Coco Pops? Do you want Corn Flakes? Wheat Bix? Sultana Brand?”

“Can I have Sultana Brand with extra sultanas?” he asked happily.

“Sure. But what do you say?” I asked as I grabbed the box.

“Please.” He smiled.

I smiled in response as I put the cereal box on the kitchen counter and went about making breakfast, pouring two bowls of Sultana Brand before I went about trying to find the sultana’s.

“Good morning.” Announced my mother as she walked into the room.

“Morning.” I said as I continued to hunt for the sultana’s, “I just boiled the kettle.” I told her.

“Excellent.” She said as she grabbed out her favourite mug and began to make herself a coffee, “You were up late last night.” She said suddenly.

“I went to bed just after you guys.” I said as I peered up onto the top shelf, where on earth were the sultanas?

“I know, but I heard you giggling in your bedroom for ages afterwards.” She replied.

What colour was the sultana box? Was it green? Was it red? Where on earth was it?

“Why were you laughing?”

“What?”

“Why were you laughing?”

“No reason.” I said before I turned around to face her, “Where are the sultana’s?”

“Bottom shelf.” She said as she took a sip of her coffee.

I looked down, they were right by my knee. Grabbing the box, I went over to our two cereal bowls and sprinkled a few handfuls into each of them.

“Were you on your phone?”

“When?”

“Last night. When you were giggling.”

“Yeah.” I said as I went to the fridge and grabbed out the milk.

“Who were you texting?” she asked curiously.

“What?” I asked as I looked up from pouring the milk.

“You’ve been using your phone a lot more these days and you’re always smiling. Whose making you smile like that?” she asked.

“No one.” I dismissed as I put the milk back in the fridge.

“Is it a boy?”

“God no!” I dismissed immediately, “Guys aren’t even on my radar right now Ma.” I said as I slid Robb his bowl across the bench.

“What’s a radar?” he asked.

“Ah, it’s like an area that you look at.” I explained.

“Like on a submarine.” Added my mother.

“Oh.” He said, accepting the answer he turned back to his cereal and I turned to look at my own, just as my father stepped into the kitchen.

“Morning.” He yawned.

“Morning.”

“Did you ask her yet?” he asked as he came to stand by my mother, grabbing a mug to make himself a cup of coffee.

“Ask me what?” I asked, knowing they could be talking about no one else but me.

“I just did, but she’s being cagey.” Said my mother quietly, completely ignoring my question.

“There’s definitely a boy involved.” He replied.

“No she says there isn’t. I think it’s just a friend.”

“A man friend?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m standing right here you know.” I said pointedly.

They both turned to look at me pensively.

“There’s no guy.” I assured them.

As if on cue my phone pinged and Robb picked it up, “Mum you have a new message from Richard.” He told me, holding the phone out for me to take.

“Thank you!” I said loudly as I practically snatched the phone off him.

Embarrassment flooded me as I turned to look at my parents, both of whom were watching me over the rims of their coffee cups.

“Whose Richard?” asked my Father.

“No one.”

“It’s Richard Madden. The guy from Game of Thrones.” Replied Robb.

“Really?” asked my mother in surprise glancing at me for a moment.

Heat flooded my cheeks as I desperately tried to think of a way to make Robb stop talking.

“Yeah! He emails me and looks at the videos mum puts on snapchat.” He replied.

“What do Robb and Mummy talk about?”

“Lots of stuff! We send him pictures of us at the grocery store and of me doing handstands! Sometimes mum makes funny faces and sends them to him.” He babbled.

“Okay!” I interrupted loudly, “Why don’t you go and watch T.V bud?” I suggested.

“But I haven’t finished my breakfast.” He said pointedly.

“You can take it with you. Eat it on the floor.”

Normally we had a ‘no eating in front of the television’ policy but I would have agreed to just about anything to get him to stop talking.

Slipping down from the chair, he grabbed his bowl and went and sat in the lounge room, leaving me alone with my parents.

For a moment I was relieved that he could no longer prattle on about Richard and I texting one another, but as swift as that relief came, it vanished when I realized I now had no buffer between me and my parents and they were free to ask me anything they liked.

“How long have you been communicating with Richard?” asked my father lightly.

“Not long.” I replied, my voice coming out three octaves higher than normal, “And its mainly Robb who he speaks to.”

“Sounds like he speaks to you quite a bit as well.”

“Hardly.” I said evasively.

“We’re not judging honey; we think it’s great your dating again.” Said my mother evasively.

“Whoa, whoa! Back up a minute.” I began, holding my arms out as if I was stopping traffic, “I am nowhere near the dating scene right now. I’ve only just learned how to use the self-service check out, you think I’m going to go diving back into the dating pool?”

That wasn’t exactly a lie. The thought of dating was so far out of my field of comfort that I was nowhere near ready. But it wasn’t because of the reasons my parents thought, I had adapted relatively well to grasping the new ways in which people practically stalked each other online as a way of ‘getting to know you’ before they even spoke to one another.

The truth was, I was terrified of being anywhere near a man. Dating meant intimacy in every sense of the word and the mere thought of that had me breaking out in a nervous sweat, with anxiety clutching at my stomach.

“Well it might be good for you to meet a few guys and put what happened behind you.” Suggested my father.

“Since when does a father actually want his daughter to date?” I asked, deliberately avoiding the question.

He didn’t see that because of what happened to me was the reason that I could not meet guys. It was why I felt that I could never be with a guy in any capacity at all! Texting someone that was in a different country was about as intimate as I was willing to get.

“Since all his daughter ever does is potter around in an already immaculate garden.” He said pointedly.

“Potter around? What does that even mean?”

“Don’t change the subject.” Reminded my mother.

“Listen, both of you. I appreciate the concern but honestly, Richard is just Robb’s pen pal. There’s nothing more to it and if it will make you both feel better then fine, I’ll go join a book club or something.” I said with a roll of my eyes, “Can we stop talking about this now?”

They nodded, seeming to drop the conversation.

“We could set her up with Barry’s son, he’s nice.” Whispered my mother.

“I thought he was gay?”

“No dear, he just wears tight jeans. All the kids do nowadays.”

“You know I can hear you two right?” I demanded.

They looked up at me, seeming to be genuinely in shock that I was there.

Sighing in aggravation I grabbed my cereal bowl and went and joined Robb to watch cartoons in the lounge room.

…

April 19th

To: Melanie Porter

From: Richard Madden

‘Dear Robb,

Not long to go now and you will know if Jon Snow is alive or not. I can’t give away any secrets.

I’ve been really busy rehearsing for a new play. I don’t get to have a sword or a gun in this play but I do get to climb up a balcony, so that is fun.

Some interesting news, I’ve recently purchased a new laptop and it has a web camera in it. So some friends of mine showed me how to use Skype and I thought you and I could try it. If you come onto the computer at 7pm where you live, it will be 8am where I live and we can talk to each other face to face.

You’ll have to ask your mum though.

Hopefully I’ll see you soon,

Richard.’

 

“Mum! The little hand is nearly on the seven!” called Robb from the back patio.

“Yeah, I’ll be there soon.” I called as I continued to crouch down on my hands and knees and turn the soil of the flower bed out in the back yard.

The trick to keeping the weeds away, I read somewhere, was to constantly keep the top layer of soil around the flowers loose so no weeds would have a chance to grow. It was too much effort for most people but I was diligent in my soil tossing as I hated pulling weeds.

“Muuuuuuuum!”

Sighing I stood up and dusted my hands on my jeans before I tucked my loose strand of hair behind my ears, “Coming!” I called.

Robb was already in my bedroom, bouncing on the bed excitedly.

“It’s time! It’s time!” he said excitedly as he bounced.

His enthusiasm was contagious, “yes.” I agreed as I sat down on the bed and opened up my laptop, “Alright, are you ready?” I asked as I opened the ‘Skype’ program and positioned the screen so both of us were in the frame.

“Yes! There’s us.” He smiled pointing to the computer screen.

“Alright, let’s call Richard.” I said as I pressed the little button next to his contact name.

The computer made a loud ‘bloop bloop’ sound as it attempted to call Richard, the screen going blue as it waited to load.

“Is it working?” he asked anxiously.

“It’s working. Just give it a moment.” I advised.

Robb was going through a slightly annoying phase of being very impatient. Nothing happened fast enough for him and getting him to wait for something was like pulling teeth.

Suddenly the screen lit up and I was met by Richard’s smiling face, his curls still a tangled mess as he ran a tired hand through them, a mug was sitting on the table near him.

“Morning you two.” He greeted, his voice still sounding heavy with sleep.

“It’s not morning! Its night time here.” Said Robb immediately.

“Well its morning where he is because he’s on the other side of the world.” I explained.

“Oh.” He said before he turned to look at the laptop happily, “Hey Richard! I can see you!”

“I can see you too.” He smiled.

“Can you hear me too?”

“Yep.”

“Wow!”

I simply smiled, it was so lovely to see him so excited about the smallest things. But more than that, I too was a little excited to be talking to Richard face to face, though I chalked that up to Robb’s happiness just being infectious, “Hey Bud, why don’t you tell Richard what you did today?”

“What did I do today?”

“We measured you remember?”

“Oh that’s right!” he said excitedly before he turned back to the computer screen, “We measured me against the door! And I had to stand up really big and tall!”

“And how tall were you?”

They continued talking and I sat there listening, occasionally supplying some detail that Robb may have missed. I didn’t look at Richard on the screen, instead, I looked at my son.

I loved watching how his words began to tumble out of his mouth a little too fast when he was really excited about a certain subject. I loved watching his eyes light up when he listened to Richard speak, I loved the over the top inflections in his voice as he spoke. I was overwhelmed with affection to see him so happy, so I leaned over and ran my fingers through his hair, staring at him happily.

“Knock, knock,” called a voice.

Both Robb and I looked up a little startled to see my mother standing by the door with a towel, “it’s bath night bud. You need to come and get clean.” She smiled.

“But Grandma, we’re talking to Richard.” He said pointedly, huffing a little bit as he did. I bit my lip in an attempt not to laugh.

“Well I’m sure Richard will still be there when you get back.” She replied.

Robb turned to the screen, “Will you still be here when I get back?” he asked seriously.

“Of course.” Richard smiled.

“Ok, I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere!” he said, bracing his hands out before he scrambled off the bed and ran down the hallway, my mother following after him.

Once he was gone I actually did laugh before I turned to the laptop, “He’s such a dag.”

“What on earth, is a dag?”

“A Dag.” I said again, “Like daggy. You don’t use that word over there?”

“Nope.” He said as he took a sip from his mug.

“It’s like an adorable idiot.” I explained.

“In Scotland we call that a numpty.”

“A numpty?”

“Yeah.”

“God you Scots are weird.” 

“What’s weird about numpty? It makes more sense than dag.”

“No it doesn’t!” I defended.

“Numpty is like Humpty Dumpty.” He explained.

“That makes no sense what so ever.”

“Dag makes no sense what so ever.”

“It’s like daggy!”

“What does daggy even mean over there? Daggy here is where you wear loose jeans or something.”

“I think you mean baggy.”

“No its definitely daggy.”

“You sure?” I asked.

“No.”

I laughed.

Before I knew it, the two of us were talking just as easily, face to face, as we did over text and the time just flew by.

“How on earth do fish guts help a plant to grow?” he demanded in aghast.

“It acts as a natural fertilizer.”

“Doesn’t it make it smell bad though? You must have smelt terrible after you’d done it.” He said pointedly.

“A little.” I allowed, “But I’m always covered in dirt these days, so a little fish guts doesn’t worry me.”

“I can tell. You’ve got dirt on your face.” He smiled.

“Where?” I demanded searching my face in the small video of me that was displayed in the corner of the screen.

“On your cheek.”

Embarrassment flooded through me as I desperately scrubbed at my cheek, “I was just out in the garden. God, I must look a mess.” I fretted.

“You look gorgeous, don’t worry.” He said dismissively.

I froze with my hand still on my cheek; had Richard Madden just called me gorgeous?

He didn’t seem at all disturbed by what he had just said as he took a sip from his mug again and I put my hand down by the computer. What did people normally do when they were complimented? Did they bow? Did they say something?

It had been so long since I was complimented that I had no idea how to react on the outside. On the inside however my stomach had clenched painfully before becoming inhabited by butterflies that flapped madly.

If I thought my cheeks had been warm before, they were absolutely burning now.

Thank you! That was what you were supposed to say! Thank you!

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

“Mum.” Came a sleepy voice.

Looking up I saw Robb standing in the doorway, dressed in his pyjamas with his hair wet, “Grandma says I have to go to bed.” He said sounding sleepy.

“Alright buddy.” I said, “Do you want to come say good night to Richard?”

Wandering over to the bed he poked his head into frame, “Good night Richard.” He called.

“Good night buddy. I’ll talk to you later.” He replied.

Robb then leaned up and pressed his lips to mine, “Good night.” I told him.

“Good night.” He replied before he wandered out of the room again.

I watched him go before I turned back to the computer screen, “I should probably go too.” I said regretfully, I didn’t really want to end our conversation but things had gotten strange since he had called me gorgeous and I wasn’t sure what to do.

“Hang on, I want to hear about this job that you’ve applied for.” He interrupted.

“Oh! That.” I said, remembering what we had been talking about before I launched into my gardening spiel, “I applied for a job at a hardware store to work in their greenhouse department.”

“So you’d be selling plants?”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds like a great job for you. Seeing as you’ve pretty much talked my ear off about them all night.” He smiled.

“Have not.” I defended.

“Have too.”

“Fine. Let’s talk about your day job? You play make-believe for a living don’t you?” I teased.

He blinked in shock, “You make it sound so juvenile.”

“It kind of is juvenile when you think about it.” I shrugged.

“It is not! My acting has impacted numerous lives! There’s even a website dedicated to my smile.” He defended.

“Now that’s just weird. Does the rest of your body get jealous because they don’t have their own fan page?” I grinned.

“All the time.” He told me seriously.

I laughed.

“Acting matters.” He told me seriously, “I mean, some people have even named their children after characters I’ve played.” He said, grinning smugly.

“Touché.” I agreed.

“Why did you call him Robb anyway?” he asked curiously.

“Well,” I began, “He’d just been born and for the first couple of days I couldn’t get him to stop crying! No matter what I did he just kept crying and it was driving me up the wall.” I said, shaking my head at the memory, “I had Game of Thrones playing on the television as I tried to calm him then all of a sudden they started saying ‘King of the North’ and he just went silent.”

“Really?”

“Yep. Completely silent! Not a sound. I thought he might have been dead but he was just lying in my arms listening to the television and everyone saying ‘King in the North!’ the moment they stopped he started crying again, so I started saying it and he went silent again.”

“King of the North? Really?” he asked, seeming genuinely surprised.

“Yep.” I smiled, “I still hadn’t named him yet but in that moment I knew that he should be called Robb because he was just so silent. Every time he started to cry I would just start chanting ‘King in the North’ and he would stop.”

“Wow! I bet you must have looked pretty bizarre.” He smiled.

“You often do things that don’t make sense as a parent and chanting out ‘King in the North’ to a screaming infant, doesn’t even crack my top ten.” I told him.

He laughed, “So what did his father think of the name?”

My body reacted before I had even really registered what he had said; all the blood in my body seemed to drain into my shoes and I felt a little light headed. My forehead felt extremely hot and I felt a lump form in my throat. My stomach twisted painfully and I was suddenly worried that I might be sick.

“Mel? You ok?”

“I should go. It’s getting late.” I said quickly.

“Ok.” He said, frowning in confusion.

“I’ll talk to you another time.” I said, the words rushing out as I felt my heart beat erratically in my chest.

“Alright. Bye.” He said, still sounding a little confused.

“Bye.”

I slammed the lid of the laptop shut and desperately tried to calm my racing pulse.

My breath came in short sharp gasps and I knew if I didn’t act quickly I would have a full blown panic attack.

Using the method, the doctor had taught me I focused on the things closest to me; the laptop, the bed, the bedside table, the lamp… my phone, my phone charger, the window, the window curtains, the wardrobe, the clothes in the wardrobe…

By the time I had nearly named everything in my room, my heart rate had settled down to a regular speed but I still felt uneasy.

It was like I was walking down a flight of steps and the last step had disappeared under my feet as I was walking and I had that horrible sick feeling in my stomach that was not quite fear and not quite panic but a mixture of both.

Getting off the bed, I immediately went down the hallway and poked my head into Robb’s room; he was fast asleep in bed.

Slipping inside, opening the door as little as possible so the light wouldn’t wake him, I went over to the bed and crawled into bed next to him, holding him to my chest. The moment I did, the sick feeling began to ebb away, the tension in all of my limbs began to relax and I closed my eyes as I crushed him to me.

We were safe.

Robb was in my arms and he was safe. We were both safe. He wasn’t coming to get us. He wasn’t going to find us. We were safe.

I kept repeating those words in my head like a prayer before sleep overtook me and I finally fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

My life fell into a strange pattern of sorts.

Every morning I would get up and take Robb to school. We caught the bus and I would kiss him goodbye, before I would catch an entirely different bus to work, where I would spend the day selling plants and offering advice to customers on how to grow them best.

Then at three in the afternoon, I would catch the bus back to Robb’s school and pick him up before we headed home.

Sometimes we went grocery shopping and sometimes we went to the park where we would tell each other about our day before we headed home.

I would then sit down and help Robb with his homework before he was allowed to go and watch a little television before we had dinner.

Then, at seven o’clock, we would go into my bedroom, open the laptop and talk to Richard.

Robb and Richard would talk until it was time for Robb to have a bath or go to bed, after saying their goodbyes, we would then talk about anything and everything. Often staying up until all hours just chatting with each other.

Through these talks I got to know a lot about Richard.

One of the first things I noticed, was his self-deprecating humour that revealed itself to actually be hidden shyness. While he was perfectly comfortable with talking to me and exchanging witty banter, when he talked about his more public duties as a celebrity, I could see he got a little flustered and a little nervous.

Even when it came time to do the first performance of his new play ‘Romeo and Juliet’ in front of an audience, he was so nervous I had to sit for at least an hour just reassuring him that he would be fine.

It was a surprisingly adorable trait, considering how in the public eye he was.

“Theatre is completely different than film. With film there’s always another take. In theatre you have to get it right the first time and it’s been ages since I’ve had that kind of pressure.” He explained.

“What about when you’re doing interviews and stuff on the red carpet?” 

“I hate doing those too. I never know what to say.”

“Whatever comes to mind?”

“No way. At least when I’m acting I know what to do because I’m portraying a character, on red carpets where I have to be myself, that’s terrifying.”

Another thing I learnt was that he was passionate, anything that he was doing whether it was acting or learning how to bake a specific cake, he immersed himself into it entirely and wouldn’t quit until he obtained perfection.

“You’re a perfectionist.” I announced.

“I just don’t see the point in doing something half-assed. If you’re gonna do something, do it right.” He explained.

There was an interesting contradiction in that he was always fidgeting, always bursting with energy and seeming ready to jump out of his seat and do something, yet on more than one occasion was simply sat talking about books; his favourite pastime.

“My job is so intensely physical that in my downtime I love to just sit and read. I like to be still.” He explained.

“Where is I, talk about how to grow plants all day and use my downtime to grow more plants.” I smiled.

“Why do you like gardening so much?” he asked curiously.

“I guess I like doing things with my hands, but I like the sense of accomplishment. Something starts out as just a little seed and then you plant it and help it grow. That little seed has to fight its way through dirt and rock but against all the odds it becomes a tree. And then once it’s a tree it has to brave everything that the world has to offer, yet it still thrives. It’s a good metaphor for life I guess.” I shrugged before I turned to the screen to see Richard watching me with a curious expression, “What?”

“Nothing.” He replied, “I just like your reasoning behind it.”

“Why do you like reading then?”

“I like telling stories. Its why I like acting. I like every medium in which stories are told.” He explained.

I smiled, that was a good reason.

…

Pointing my phone at the claw machine game, I pressed record, “These are so hard! No one ever wins at these.” I complained before I turned the camera around to show me as I held my stuffed monkey I had won in the air, “Ha! Ha! Ha!” I cried in triumphant.

I finished recording and posted the video to snapchat. I almost immediately got a text from Richard; ‘What’s the monkey’s name?’

‘I have no idea. Suggestions?’

‘Darwin.’

‘Why Darwin?’

‘Like Charles Darwin.’

I smiled at his joke in amusement before I held the monkey out in front of me and snapped a picture. Captioning it with the message; ‘Meet Darwin.’

Richard sent me a picture of him smiling before I started to head out of the shopping centre, with Robb following behind me.

“Can I please have another go at the claw machine?” he pleaded as we walked outside.

“No Bud, you already had a turn.”

“But I want to win a monkey.”

“You can have mine.”

“I want my own.”

“Well we’re heading home now. You’ll have to wait until we come back.”

And then a bomb was dropped.

I sighed deeply as Robb sat on the ground screaming, throwing his arms and legs out from side to side.

Every parent had a different technique for how to deal with a tantrum. Some parents grabbed their children and made them stop before the tantrum could even start. Some smacked them halfway through to make them stop. Others desperately tried to placate their children to get them to stop.

All of these things were done, I assumed, because the thought of people witnessing their child throwing a tantrum is such a public place made them embarrassed.

But I took an entirely different approach; I just waited until he was done. 

It didn’t embarrass me what people might think to see a child kicking and screaming on the ground. It was what children did when they didn’t get their own way. What was the point in being embarrassed by it?

As I sat there waiting while Robb continued to kick his legs in the air and wail like a banshee, I let my eyes wander around the area and I spotted what appeared to be a nursing home.

I wasn’t sure why my eyes were suddenly so drawn to the old brick building but I noticed, with some sadness that there was absolutely no colour in the building. There was a large patch of dirt that had a few tuffs of grass sticking out and a rickety old park bench. But that was it!

It was the most depressing thing I had ever seen.

The wailing had stopped and I looked down at Robb who was now simply laying on the footpath looking up at the sky, “Are you done?” I asked.

“Yep.” He replied.

“Right. Let’s go.”

Standing up he put his hand in mine and I lead him across the road towards the nursing home where a woman that was obviously a nurse was leading and an old man, who was obviously a patient, over to the bench for him to sit on.

“Excuse me?” I called as I approached the two.

The nurse looked up at me just as the man sat down on the bench, “Can I help you?” she asked.

“Yes.” I smiled as I came to a stop, “I was just wondering if this area is under construction or something?”

She frowned in confusion.

“I mean,” I began clearing my throat as I tried to articulate my thoughts a little more clearly, “This area would make a great garden, I was just wondering if something was in the process of being done to it.”

“Oh, there isn’t really enough room for a garden here.” She dismissed.

“A lot of plants down need much room to grow.” I supplied, “I could recommend a few.”

“We don’t really have the money or man power to have a garden put in.” she explained.

Well that was just sad. It must have been so depressing for the residence of the Nursing home to just look out and see a blank patch of grass every day. Even in my darkest moments I was always cheered up by looking out the window and seeing the colourful flowers so full of life just outside.

“I’d be happy to do it.” I said immediately, the words tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop them.

The nurse blinked, “We don’t have the money to pay you.”

“Oh, I’d work for free.”

“What about supplies?”

“I work in the gardening department of Bunnings. They throw out dozens of plants when they start to look a little brown and unsellable. I’m sure they would let me take a few.” I explained. 

“I’m not sure-” began the nurse but the old man interrupted her.

“Stop being such a kill joy Janet! The girl wants to plant a garden so let her plant a garden. We’re all tired of looking at the same patch of dirt anyway.” He said pointedly before he turned to me with a smile.

I smiled back.

…

I began going to the nursing home after work every night with Robb. He would play at the playground while I would mark out potential flowerbed designs for the garden.

After I had the design for the garden, I then went inside with Robb in tow to ask what kind of flowers the residence of the nursing home would like planted. They all gave me suggestions which I typed into my phone but they weren’t really interested in me, they all flocked around Robb offering him food and peppering him with questions.

Robb loved the attention and quickly launched into stories about his sword fighting and how good at math he was.

The moment he mentioned his favourite subject was Math, the residence of the nursing home designed a game where they would ask him math questions and every one that he got right they would give him a chocolate.

Robb soon lost interest in going to the park after school and instead liked to go to the nursing home and talk to its residents while I was outside turning soil and making preparations for the flower bed.

Every now and again I would look inside to see Robb playing with the old people inside and I couldn’t help but smile. None of these people knew what he had gone through and they treated him like any other kid.

As much as we tried to live a normal life, things from our past kept cropping up. Anytime Robb made a new friend, their parents immediately had to meet me and express their condolences over what had happened to me and congratulate me on what a great child I had. Then, inevitably, Robb’s friendship with their child would change. Their child would start treating Robb differently. 

I would pick up on it before Robb did, but the moment he did, they would cease to be friends. He simply claimed that they weren’t having fun anymore but I knew there was more to it. I knew it was because they treated him differently because, despite my best efforts, he was different.

No matter how hard we tried, our past would always catch up to us.

Just when I was lulled into a false sense of security, that people had lost interest and we would finally able to move on, I would get a new offer from some television network to do an interview and tell my story to the world.

I, of course, refused every single time. No matter how much money they offered me. The story had broken in mid December and it was now late May and people were still talking about it.

I wondered, from time to time, if our life would ever really be normal and how that would impact Robb.

But the nursing home turned out to be a really great thing for Robb and myself as we were both able to interact with people who didn’t treat us as if we were damaged and broken people, they treated us like we were people and that was all I ever wanted.

…

“I still don’t understand why you randomly volunteered to plant a garden at a nursing home.” Said Richard, shaking his head in amusement.

“Well my garden here is flourishing and I’m really running out of things to do with it. So starting afresh at a new place will be fun.” I explained, “It gives me a hobby and something to do on the weekends.”

“But why at a nursing home?”

“Because they need a garden! You should have seen this place Rich; it was crying out for some colour.” I smiled.

He simply smiled, “You know it’s very rare to find a person that would volunteer their time like that expecting nothing in return. No reward or anything.”

“Seeing that beautiful garden come to life will be all the reward I need. It’s quite a cramped place so I’ve been planning designs all day or what flowers I could use.” I said excitedly.

“Alright, lay it on me.” He said, leaning back in his seat and taking a sip from his mug.

“Well I obviously want to get some colour in there but I’ve got limited space, so nothing that takes up a lot of room like lavender. I’m thinking roses but I’m not sure if the thorns on the roses count as a hazard.” I vented, “So I was thinking maybe something like daffodils, but they smell horrible-”

I was suddenly interrupted by an unfamiliar voice calling out Richard’s name.

“In here Lily!” called Richard, turning to look at something in the distance.

I heard the sound of footsteps on the floor before the toned torso of a woman appeared by Richard’s side, “What are you doing?” she asked but before he could even answer she bent down and looked at the computer screen, her mouth popping open slightly in shock, “Are you talking to Melanie?”

I blinked in shock as I beheld the beautiful creature in front of me; she had beautiful brown hair and wide brown eyes that gave her face an innocent feel, her high cheekbones were matched with a rounded jaw that reinforced the youthfulness look to her face. Her skin looked absolutely flawless, as if it was made of porcelain.

“You must be Melanie!” she smiled.

“Ah, yes.” I smiled as a strange feeling settled in my stomach.

“I have heard so much about you!” she smiled seeming a little inappropriately excited to be meeting me, “God you are gorgeous!”

“Thank you.” I said, “I was about to say the same thing about you.”

“I’m Lily.”

I knew there was a reason I recognized her, I was currently talking to Lily James, Richard’s co-star in Cinderella and now in Romeo and Juliet.

“I’m Melanie… you already knew that.” I said awkwardly.

I suddenly felt very inadequate sitting on my bed in my pyjamas as she stood there in a beautiful cream pencil skirt and pale blue top.

“I have heard so much about you from Richard.” She smiled.

“Really?”

“All good things.” She assured me, “He talks about you so much I feel like I know you already.”

Richard talked about me?

“And your son! Rich talks about him all the time.”

Ah, that made sense. Robb of course talked about Richard to anyone that would listen, it made sense that Richard would return the favour. I must have only been mentioned by association.

“Lil did you want something?” he interrupted loudly.

“Oh, yes.” She said, seeming to remember as she turned to look at him, “We’re supposed to be having lunch with Kenneth. He’s got a few things he wants to discuss about the show.”

“Oh right, I better go and get ready.” He said before he turned back to look at the computer screen, “Sorry, I have to go.”

I was just about to tell him not to worry but Lily interrupted me, “Hang on, I want to talk to her! You go get dressed, while we get more acquainted.”

I watched with a mixture of shock and amusement as she all but shoved Richard out of his seat and sat down in front of the laptop, “Rich tells me your really into gardening.” She announced.

“Ah, yes.” I said feeling a little unsure.

“Could you give me a little advice on how to grow an Orchid? I got it for opening night from my boyfriend and I tried to plant it the other week and it looks like its dying already.” She explained.

The strange feeling that had been in my stomach since I saw her suddenly lessened at the mention of her boyfriend, “Well you can’t just use a general potting mix. Orchids need loose soil that’s free-draining or their roots will rot. Try using woodchips, that works best for them.” I advised.

“Woodchips. Got it.” She said, typing a quick message in her phone, “Anything else?”

“Try and keep the woodchips damp, not necessarily wet.” I added.

She nodded in understanding, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I smiled as I desperately searched for a topic I could talk to her about. Perhaps something we had in common? She obviously liked gardening but I didn’t want to bore her with my gardening talk so I tried a different topic, “How long have you known Richard?”

“Oh ages.” She replied, “I met him months before we started shooting Cinderella. I was doing a costume fitting and he came in and gave me a hug.” She laughed.

I nodded in understanding.

“He told me he met you through your son? He came and met him when he was over in Australia at the start of the year.” She replied.

“Yeah. That’s how we first met.”

“He talks about your son all the time. He’s very fond of him.”

“The feeling is mutual. Robb loves Rich.”

“What’s not to love? He’s a great guy right?” she asked.

“Yeah. He’s pretty great.” I agreed, such a thing seemed obvious.

She smiled, seeming pleased by my answer. Suddenly she looked up as Richard’s torso appeared in the screen, “Did I miss anything?” he asked.

“We were just talking about what an amazing guy you are. Any girl would be lucky to have you.” She smiled happily.

I frowned, that wasn’t what we were talking about. Why would she say that?

“Well thank you.” He said before he bent down to look at the screen of the laptop, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow night Mel.”

“Alright, have a good day.” I smiled.

“You too.”

“Nice to meet you!” called Lily.

“Nice to meet you.” I smiled.

“Bye!”

“Bye.”

Richard closed the lid of the laptop and I sat on the bed for a moment feeling a little dazed.

Why had I had such a strange reaction to seeing Lily at Richard’s place? He had spoken about her plenty of times in the past and it never caused me any concern. Why was it different when I actually saw her?

Was it because she was pretty? Why did that matter to me? Obviously she had made me feel a little self-conscious which was only a natural reaction. That was all the funny feeling was, nothing more.


	5. Chapter 5

Working five days a week and gardening on the weekends didn’t give me a lot of time to spend all the money I was making.

Sure there were expenses like public transport and new shoes for Robb, as he was going through another growth spurt. But apart from the money I gave my parents every week to help chip in for food and bills (because they wouldn’t let me pay rent), I actually had more money than I knew what to do with.

My first thought was to do something nice for my parents, as a thank-you for everything they had done for Robb and me. But they would hear none of it, they told me if I wanted to do something nice for them, then I should do something nice for Robb, because that was what they wanted.

My immediate reaction was to take him on a holiday. Robb had loved it the day we’d gone to the beach so perhaps somewhere that had a good beach. Northern Australia maybe?

Though there was the small problem that going into June, the weather was cooling down. Not exactly ideal for beach activities and I didn’t want Robb getting sick.

“Why don’t you come over here?” asked Richard when I spoke to him about it.

“Here, where?” I asked in confusion before I suddenly realized what he had said, “You mean over there?”

“Yeah.” He said simply.

“Come to London?”

“Why not?”

I blinked in shock, “You’re joking, right?”

“Dead serious. You could come stay with me. I could show you and Robb the sights and I even know a nice beach up in East Sussex that’s only a short train ride away.” He explained.

“Isn’t it really cold over there?”

“No, we’re heading into summer over here. Perfect beach weather.” He replied.

I pulled a face, it was an awful long way away to travel for Robb’s first holiday. But the thought of going to London was exciting. I had never left the country before.

“Come on,” he said persuasively, “You’ll save money by staying with me and I’d love to see you and Robb again.”

He had a point and I was warming up to the idea, “You wouldn’t get sick of us?”

“I talk to you both nearly every day. If it hasn’t happened by now, I don’t think it’s going to.” He smiled.

“I’d hate to be an inconvenience though. Robb and I could stay at a hotel.” I suggested, wait, was I really considering going over to London for a holiday?

“Oh please.” He said dismissively, “I’ve got a spare bedroom and my play is finishing up, so I’ll have heaps of free time. I’d love to have you.”

Going overseas was a big decision and took a lot of planning. Did I really want to make a decision like that on a whim? 

Except it wasn’t on a whim, I had the money and I knew Robb would enjoy it. Nothing was really stopping me, so why didn’t I agree?

“Alright.” I smiled feeling a little giddy with excitement.

I had never been overseas before and I was sure that was why I suddenly had butterflies in my stomach. It had nothing to do with the prospect of actually seeing Richard sometime soon.

…

“London? Really?” asked my father as I stood in the kitchen making dinner.

“Yep.” I smiled as I stirred the chopped eggplant into the spaghetti sauce I was making.

“Well, when would you be going and how long would you be gone for?” asked my mother.

“I’m thinking ten or twelve days. And I’m thinking the second week of August, just before Richard’s play finishes.” I said.

“And you’ll be staying with him? In his house?” asked my father, his voice suddenly sounding far more interested than was strictly necessary.

“Where are you going with this dad?” I asked looking up from the pot.

He shrugged, “Just curious as to where you’ll be staying.” He said, feigning disinterest.

“We will be staying in the spare room of Rich’s apartment.” I explained.

“Well it sounds like a brilliant idea.” Interjected my mother, “I still have your birth certificate so it should be relatively easy for you to get a passport.”

“Yeah. I’m not the problem, getting the necessary documents for Robb is going to be the tricky part.” I said.

“Well I’m sure if you explain the situation and why Robb doesn’t have a birth certificate they will print you one.” Said my father.

I nodded in understanding, “There’s still a lot to organize. And it’s still a little while away, but I want it to be a surprise for Robb. So, don’t tell him.”

…

“This garden looks amazing!” smiled one of the residence from the nursing home, “I love all the bright colours.”

“It smells amazing!”

“Look at that flower over there! What’s that one called?”

“A snap-dragon.” I smiled.

“Beautiful! Just beautiful.”

“They really like it Mum.” Smiled Robb.

I simply smiled.

“Alright everyone!” called Darla, the head nurse, “Can I have your attention?”

The excited chatter died down and Darla was able to speak at a normal volume, “I think we can all agree that this garden looks amazing and it’s all thanks to the generous efforts of Melanie and her son Robb.” She said, gesturing to us grandly.

The residence of the nursing home clapped lightly, though there smiling faces were all the gratitude I needed.

“So as a token of our appreciation, we all got you a little something.” She said before she suddenly presented me with a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers.

“Wow! Chocolate!” marvelled Robb.

I simply smiled, “Thank you.”

“I don’t know who we will miss more, you or your son to come in and brighten everyone’s day.” She smiled.

“Well I’ll still need to come back on the weekend to weed and water the garden, so you won’t be getting rid of us that easily.” I smiled.

The truth was, I could have walked away after I had completed the garden. But I liked the residents of the nursing home and so did Robb. I liked the way they treated us and I wasn’t about to give that up just because I had finished my project for them.

…

“Goodnight Robb.” Said Richard, his voice sounding through the laptop speakers.

“Goodnight Richard.” Called Robb as he walked out of the room sleepily.

I waited until he walked down the hallway and closed his bedroom door before I turned back to the laptop screen excitedly, “I have something to show you.” I announced.

“Uh oh.” He smiled.

Unable to contain myself I reached into my bedside draw and revealed the two passports that had come in the mail that very morning. I was beyond excited!

“You got them?” he asked, sounding astonished.

“Yes!” I squeaked in excitement, “I brought the plane tickets right afterwards!”

“No backing out now.” He smiled.

I bounced up and down on the bed happily, “This is so exciting! I don’t know how I’m going to be able to keep this from Robb for the next four weeks!”

“Me neither.” He grinned.

“Are you sure it’s alright if we stay with you?” I asked, if I was going to book a hotel I needed to book it now. If Richard was having any second thoughts about letting us stay with him then I needed to know now.

“Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?” he asked with a frown.

“I don’t know. You’re about to have a twenty-one-year-old girl and her son that you’ve met once staying in your apartment.” I said pointedly.

“A fact that I am extremely excited about.” He replied.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend or something that might not like it?”

I wasn’t sure why I asked that. It seemed like a logical question, but I hadn’t meant to so blatantly ask about Richard’s love life. It wasn’t like I cared if he was dating someone or not, I was just concerned that Robb and I might cause problems for him if he was dating someone.

It was a perfectly reasonable question, though I found myself far too anxious for the answer.

He simply laughed, “I don’t have a girlfriend, so its fine.”

“Oh, boyfriend perhaps?” I smiled.

“Sadly not.”

“So, we’re cool to stay?”

“You can stay as long as you like.” He smiled.

…

More than once over the next couple of weeks I was sorely tempted over the next couple of weeks to tell Robb what we were doing and where we were going but I didn’t. I knew everything would be that much better if it were to be a surprise.

I waited until the day before we were leaving to tell him where we going. I decided that I wasn’t going to tell him about Richard, that was something he could find out once we got to England.

“Hey Robb,” I said as I hid the plane tickets behind my back, “Come here for a second!” I called as I readied my phone to film the big reveal.

“Hey?” he asked as he came into the room, my father following close behind me.

“Come here and have a look at this map.” I said as I pointed to the map on the table.

Climbing up onto the chair, he stared at the map and I pointed my phone at him and pressed record, “Can you show me where England is?” I asked.

“Um…” he pursed his lips as he scanned the map for a moment before he finally pointed to the small island with the word ‘ENGLAND’ written on it, “There!”

“Good job!” I congratulated, “That’s a long way away from Australia isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s in England?”

“Um, the Queen. Game of Thrones. The big clock!” he listed, “A big river. Snow. And castles!”

“That’s right. Do you want to go to England and see some castles?”

“Yeah!” he smiled.

“Well here. Why don’t you read this?” I said as I handed him the tickets.

He took them from me, his brow puckering in thought as he stared at the two pieces of paper.

“It says England.” He said.

“That’s right. It’s a plane ticket to England.” I smiled.

He gasped as he looked up at me, “We’re going to England?!” he demanded.

“Yes we are!”

“Wow! Oh my god! Wow! That’s amazing! Wow!” he cried jumping up and down with excitement, “When are we going?” he demanded.

“Tomorrow.” I smiled.

“Wow! Wow! Wow!” he squealed in excitement jumping up and down.

The phone shook as I started laughing at his reaction. My parents were laughing as well.

“We’re going to England!” he yelled, “Grandma! Grandpa! I’m going to England!”

The video had timed out and I couldn’t record anymore. I posted the video to Snapchat and my phone began pinging with messages from my relatives, but the one that stood out was from Richard; ‘I can’t wait to see you both.’

I smiled down at my phone, I was excited to see him too.

…

Thirty hours on a plane with a five-year-old was enough to make anyone a little tired. It didn’t help that I hadn’t been able to sleep much on the flight as I’d needed to keep almost a constant watch on Robb, who would not sit still.

Every five minutes he needed to get up and go to the toilet. He wanted to run up and down the aisles, jump on the seats and hide under other seats. It was exhausting.

But my fatigue melted away the moment we landed, Robb was so excited that I couldn’t help but be excited with him. And I knew who was waiting for us.

Going to the suitcase carousel, I spotted Robb’s case easily and grabbed it from the turn tables.

“Can you see Mummy’s case?” I asked him as I looked along the line, everyone was so eager to grab their cases that I was constantly getting jostled to the side and unable to see the conveyer belt. 

“The one with the flowers?”

“Yep.”

“I see it!” he cried.

I stretched up on my tip-toes to look over the shoulder of the man in front of me to see the case in question slide around the corner. Then, suddenly Robb appeared on the conveyer belt, sitting atop of my case.

I looked down at the ground next to me where Robb had been just moments before, how on earth had he gotten over there so fast?!

“Robb!” I cried out as I tried to push through the line.

“Mum! I found the case!” he called.

“Get off of there! You’re going to get in trouble!” I called as I pushed through the people blocking the conveyer belt.

“But mum, it’s like a ride.”

I had to admit it was quite a funny sight to see a kid riding around on top of a suitcase and I was indeed laughing when I plucked him off the top of it before I grabbed my own suitcase.

“Alright, hold my hand while we walk through the airport, I don’t want to lose you.” I said as I looked around anxiously at the many people running around Heathrow Airport.

After Robb and I had been cleared through customs, we began to walk through the arrival gates where I spotted a familiar mop of curly hair with a small blond streak in the front. He was standing with both his hands in the pockets of his jeans, stretched up on the tips of his toes as he searched the crowd anxiously. Obviously he was looking for us.

The moment his blue eyes met mine, he smiled and raised his hand to wave ‘hello’.

I smiled in response before I turned to Robb, who still hadn’t spotted him, “Hey Bud,” I called giving his hand a small tug, “Look whose here!” I said, using our joined hands to point at Richard.

Following my finger, I watched as Robb’s eyes lit up in excitement and his little mouth opened as he gasped in excitement, “Richard!” he cried before he let go of my hand and ran towards the man in question.

I watched with utter adoration as Richard stooped down and opened his arms wide as Robb ran over to him and threw his arms around his neck. Richard hugged him close, lifting him off the ground as he did.

My smile became so big that it was beginning to hurt my cheeks as I walked over to them both. I suddenly felt very self-conscious, my hair was a mess from sleeping on the plane and my clothes were wrinkled from being worn so long. I suddenly wished I had time to run a brush through my hair or at least splash some water on my face but it hadn’t occurred to me until now.

Tucking my hair behind my ear bashfully, I came to a stop as Richard held Robb against his hip as he turned his attention to me, “Hey Mel.” He smiled.

“Hi Richard.” I smiled as he leaned forward, placing his hand that wasn’t holding Robb on my shoulder briefly he leaned forward and pressed his lips to my cheek quickly in a chaste kiss.

It was too quick for me to react to it, but the action left me reeling and I felt heat, originating from the spot where he had kissed me, flood my face. My stomach clenched in anxiety as my heartrate sped up for a moment.

“How was the flight?” he asked.

“Good.” I squeaked, clearing my throat as I tried desperately to calm my raging pulse, “Long, but good.”

“We had food on the plane! The flight attendants brought it to us!” declared Robb, staring up at Richard with excitement as he sat perfectly situated on his hip.

“Did you?” he asked, turning to face him, “Was it good food?”

“Not really.”

He laughed, “Well how about I take you guys out for breakfast?”

“Yeah!” smiled Robb.

Richard smiled before he turned to look at me happily, “What do you say Mel? Feel like some pancakes?”

I smiled in response as my pulse began to steady and the knots in my stomach loosened; I was fine. Everything was fine.

“Sure. Let’s go get something to eat.” I smiled, I checked my phone; it was just past nine in the morning, the perfect time for breakfast. 

Richard placed Robb on the ground before he leaned over towards me, “Let me take your bags.”

“I got it.” I said, shifting out of his reach immediately, “You can take Robb’s case though.” I said, letting go of the handle so he would have no reason to touch me.

If he noticed anything weird, he didn’t let on as he grabbed Robb’s suitcase and the three of us walked through the airport together.


	6. Chapter 6

We had breakfast at a small café before Richard took us to his apartment.

It wasn’t what I expected. But then again, I wasn’t sure what I had expected. I guess I thought it would be messier with pictures of half-naked girls everywhere.

But the place was actually quite classy, it was white walls with dark counter tops and grey carpet throughout out. He had dark furnishing with silver appliances in the kitchen. Overall it was a nice place.

Our bedroom contained a bed and a built in wardrobe where I immediately placed our suitcases for safe keeping.

Richard had to leave at one o’clock as he had the second last show of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ to perform at two-thirty. Robb and I were coming to the show that night, his last performance, at seven-thirty.

It was a little strange being in Richard’s apartment alone; was he afraid that we would go through his things? I would be if I was him. Not that I did! I peered at the pictures that were on display but that was the extent of my snooping. I was very respectful.

Robb had no such reservations as he sat down in front of the television watching Shrek. I made us sandwiches for lunch, making sure to clean up very thoroughly after myself before the jet-lag finally caught up with us and we went into the spare room to have a nap before getting ready to go out that night.

I stressed over my outfit for a long time when I was back in Australia attempting to pack for the trip. I’d only ever been to the theatre once when I was twelve years old with my mother and aunty, I’d worn a fancy dress that I had only worn once previously to a wedding.

I didn’t own anything that fancy anymore. I didn’t want to look too dressed up and look over the top. But I didn’t want to look undressed and seem like an uncultured teen mother who had waltzed into the theatre with her son and had no right being there. I didn’t want to embarrass Richard, as we were his guests. 

So I splurged a little and brought a beautiful lilac coloured skirt that hung just above my navel and fell down to my ankles. But I felt that was too formal, so I paired it with a simple white singlet top. I also wore a simple grey belt and a pair of grey boots one of my cousins leant me.

I wore a set of rings and a diamond bracelet my Grandmother had given to me when she died. I left my hair out and put a light layer of make-up on, I wasn’t skilled enough at applying make-up to accent any of my features, but I knew how to apply eye-liner and lipstick and that was where my knowledge ended.

I’d wanted to do something fancy with my hair but any attempt I made to style it was an utter disaster, so I simply left it out.

I put Robb in a dark green button down shirt that made the green in his eyes pop and a pair of jeans. He looked formal, but casual and that was the look I was hoping to achieve.

London was apparently in the end of summer, but the atmosphere outside wasn’t that hot in my opinion. Though my summer had consisted of over thirty-degree heat, so I supposed when the temperature gage that normally sat in the single digits climbed to thirty, it must have been quite hot to the English.

The train system was surprisingly easy to work out as it was so similar to the Melbourne system.

“Why is it called an oyster card?” asked Robb as we sat on the train and he stared at the little blue card.

“I don’t know.” I said honestly. It didn’t make much sense; the train passes in Australia were called ‘myki’ as an abbreviation as ‘my key to the city’ but what on earth did oyster mean?

Leicester Square station was announced and I held Robb’s hand as we walked out of the station and up the steps to on to Cranbourne street. We still had a little time before we were supposed to meet Richard for dinner so we walked up the road towards the M&M Factory where the brightly coloured building stood out against the grey surroundings.

The expression ‘kid in a candy store’ came to mind as I was literally letting my son loose in a chocolate factory. He ran about grabbing things off the wall, asking me if he could get them.

I would of course say ‘no’ because it was all too expensive, but he wasn’t too upset as he had barely finished asking me for one brightly coloured M&M themed mug before he found and M&M themed fan, then a t-shirt, a bucket of chocolates, a bag of chocolates, a tube of chocolates, a chocolate dispenser, then another t-shirt.

He was still running around crazily, chasing a man dressed in an M&M suit when I got a snapchat from Richard; ‘Where are you?’

‘M&M World.’

‘Ok. Be there soon.’

I stood in the middle of the room, watching as Robb literally ran from one side of the room to the other in excitement. The nap that afternoon had done him the world of good as he was far more energetic than I felt. I had enjoyed our nap as I now felt like a functioning human being again but I could have stayed there longer. 

“Excuse me ma’am?” asked an English accented voice.

I turned around to see a tall guy with blond hair and brown eyes staring down at me with a friendly smile, “Can I help you with anything?”

“No thanks. I’m fine.” I smiled, “You can go and help someone else.”

“I don’t actually work here I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.” He smiled.

“Oh.” I said, blinking in shock. Was he trying to flirt with me?

“I saw you standing here and I thought you were absolutely gorgeous.” He said, stepping closer to me.

I leaned away as I began to feel uncomfortable, “Thanks, but I’m actually here with my son.”

“Yeah right. You don’t look old enough to have a kid.” He scoffed, stepping closer again.

Fear clutched my stomach and I took a very deliberate step away. I couldn’t blame him, I didn’t exactly look my age but I was clearly not interested and he wasn’t getting the hint so I decided to be blunt, “Sorry. I’m just not interested.”

“Why not?” he demanded, his voice taking an entirely different tone from before.

I felt a lump form in my throat as I desperately tried to speak, but no words came out. I felt as if the man was somehow getting bigger and I was getting smaller. I began to get a sick feeling in my stomach.

“There you are; I’ve been looking all over for you.” Said a familiar Scottish accented voice.

I looked up to see Richard standing between me and the man, the sick feeling in my stomach started to ease.

“Are we still going out? Or do you want chocolate for dinner?” he asked me with a friendly smile before he turned around to face them man, “Oh sorry, didn’t see you their mate.”

I knew very well that he had seen him because he had brushed his shoulder when he stepped between us. I got the strange feeling that he had done that to protect me, that he was protecting me now, but I still didn’t trust myself to speak.

“Grab Robb and we’ll head out.” He smiled.

Ducking to the side, I didn’t spare the man one look as I found Robb by the wall made of M&M’s.

“Come on bud, Richard’s here.” I said as I grabbed his hand.

“Richard!” he cried out excitedly before he ran over to him.

Richard bent down and scooped him off the ground, “How you going buddy?” he asked, “Ready for dinner?”

“Yep!” he said happily.

I smiled as I came over to them, the man was still standing there. I snuck a peek at him to see he was glaring at Richard. I followed the two of them outside, grateful that the man didn’t follow and I let loose a breath I didn’t realise I’d been holding.

Part of me wanted to thank Richard for intervening. Part of me didn’t want to admit that I had needed him to intervene. 

Instead I said nothing as I took Robb’s hand and Richard took the other and we walked down the street.

Richard pointed out each theatre and told us what was playing and what he had heard about each show. I listened with interest as I wanted to take Robb to see a musical that London’s West End was so famous for.

We ended up having dinner at a restaurant called ‘The Ivy’. Apparently the building used to be an art gallery and it was clear in the spacious design of the restaurant. It had harlequin stained glass windows, green leather banquettes, wood, mirrors, great art and soft lighting that accented the clean white walls.

I was surprised when Richard stepped up to the hostess and said he had a booking, that showed forethought on his part and I was a little flattered that he had thought to plan ahead. They showed us over to a table by the window and I looked over the menu with interest.

The restaurant was nice but not too pricey, which I appreciated. It was also kid friendly, having pencils and colouring in sheets for Robb at the ready. Which he busied himself with rather than looking at the menu.

They didn’t have a kids’ menu, so I ordered him a simple Shepard’s Pie, knowing it was probably my safest bet in getting him to eat.

I was a little more selective in my meal choice as I read over the menu a couple of times. Eventually I decided on the ‘Soola Masala Chicken’ and Richard got the ‘Double Pork Sausages’.

When the waitress came over, Richard ordered a beer and I decided to splurge a little and ordered a Pina Colada. I didn’t have much experience with alcohol, so I had obviously never tried one but it was ‘infused with toasted coconut, pineapple, coconut and banana liqueur with lime’, it sounded delicious. So I decided to give it a try.

“Have you ever had one of those before?” asked Richard as the decadent blue drink was served to me, complete with a straw and tiny umbrella.

“No.” I said honestly, “But it was in that song. You know ‘If you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain’” I sung.

He laughed.

“Wow! Mum can I have a sip?” asked Robb when he spotted my drink.

“I don’t think you’ll like it.” I told him.

“Please?” he pleaded.

I held the straw to him and let him take a quick sip, he pulled a face of disgust as I knew he would and I turned back to Richard with a smile.

“To your first night in London.” He declared, holding his glass of beer up to me with a surprisingly happy smile.

I clinked my glass against his. In the weeks leading up to our trip to London I had been a little nervous, was it the right decision? What if it turned out bad? But sitting across from Richard and seeing his happy smile, I knew I had made the right decision.

I took a sip of my drink, it tasted like coconut with the faint taste of pineapple. I quite liked it.

Richard and I sat chatting over dinner, eating our various meals, while Robb ate surprisingly all of his Sheppard’s Pie.

It never ceased to surprise me how easily Richard and I were able to talk. How naturally the conversation flowed between us.

The only hiccup of the night came when I noticed another patron of the restaurant pointing his phone at us, apparently taking a picture.

“Did that guy just take a picture of us?” I asked curiously.

“Probably.” He shrugged.

I was just about to ask ‘why?’ when I suddenly remembered that Richard was actually a celebrity. He was followed by paparazzi and had people asking for his autograph. Of course when he was sitting in the same restaurant as someone they were going to take photographical evidence.

For some reason, I had forgotten that he was a celebrity. In all my time in getting to know him, he just seemed so normal. He wasn’t ‘Richard Madden, star of Game of Thrones and Scotland’s most Eligible Bachelor’ he was just a friend of mine and my sons.

When six-twenty came around, Richard had to excuse himself to head back to the theatre. Robb and I were going to stay and order dessert before heading to the theatre, the show didn’t start until seven-thirty anyway.

“What do you feel like?” I asked Robb as I held the menu out for him to see, “Do you want Sticky Toffee Pudding? Lemon Cheese cake? A Banana and Butterscotch tart?” I asked listing some of the various meals on the menu.

“Can we get the jelly?” he asked pointing to a dessert on the menu that read ‘Sloe Gin Fizz Jelly with Lemon Sherbet’. He had obviously recognized the word jelly and that was what he wanted.

“Sure. We can get that.” I smiled as I signalled the waiter to order it.

What arrived a short time later was a series of berries in a martini glass surrounded by jelly. I took a picture of it and uploaded it to Facebook before Robb and I got our spoons and dug in.

After that I went to the counter to pay but the hostess turned me away, “The gentleman who was with you paid for the meal before he left.” She explained.

Richard had paid for our meal? How lovely! Though I felt a little guilty, he was letting us stay with him and paid for our meal? That was a little too generous. I decided then and there that we would have to go out again whilst we were in town and I would treat him to dinner.

Walking down the road, Robb and I headed to the Garrick Theatre where Richard’s show of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ was playing.

Robb was surprisingly well behaved as we found our seats. We were just four rows from the stage!

“What’s going to happen mum?” asked Robb as people filed into the theatre, taking their assigned seats.

“Well you know how we watch things on the television?” I asked, “This is like that but its gonna happen right up there.” I said pointing to the stage, “Right in front of us.”

“Wow! Really?”

“Really.”

“Wow.” He whispered, seeming in awe.

Soon the lights dimmed and the show began.

It was amazing to see the story unfold on stage. To know there was real people right in front of me made the entire thing feel so much more real and I found myself getting swept up in the story. Even though I barely had a grasp on the language, I somehow understood and thoroughly enjoyed every moment.

When Richard first stepped on stage, Robb shifted in his seat to get a better view. At some point during the play. I stopped seeing Richard, but Romeo. A completely different person to Richard.

I guess it was a testament to his acting that it made me forget who he was for a time. When the cast came out to take their bows, I stood up along with the rest of the audience and clapped happily. So did Robb.

“Did you enjoy that?” I asked him as we filed out of the theatre with the rest of the audience.

“Hmm.” He pulled a face and tilted his hand from one side to the other.

I laughed, “Well now that it’s over we can go see Richard.”

That made him smile.

Following the directions Richard had told me, we walked around to the stage door where there were two metal barriers and a crowd of waiting people with programs and cameras, obviously waiting for the cast.

Not wanting to get in the way, I stood with Robb at the end of the barriers and waited along with everyone else.

One by one the cast came out to greet the waiting fans, all of whom Richard had told me about, there was Marisa Berenson (Lady Capulet), Jack Colgrave Hirst (Benvolio), Tom Hanson (Paris), Matthew Hawksley (Anthony), Derek Jacobi (Mercutio), Taylor James (Prince), Ansu Kabia (Tybalt), Nikki Patel (Balthasar), Chris Porter (Lord Montague), Zoë Rainey (Lady Montague), Michael Rouse (Lord Capulet), Meera Syal (The Nurse) and Sam Valentine (Friar Laurence).

And lastly, all coming out the door to the cheer of the crowd was Kenneth Bragnah, Lily James and Richard.

I watched with interest as Richard interacted with his fans; he smiled, was incredibly polite and seemed to be genuinely complimented when the fans showered him with praise.

“Melanie, is that you?” asked a voice.

Tearing my eyes away from Richard I was confronted with a smiling and incredibly gorgeous Lily James, “Hi!” she smiled as she came over to me, “We met a little while ago, over skype?”

“Yeah, I remember.” I smiled, I wasn’t likely to forget a face that beautiful. Though I noted with interest that up close, her skin didn’t look so flawless. She actually had a small dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks.

“Hi!” she said happily before she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me in a quick hug, “It’s so great to meet you.”

I smiled as I patted her back awkwardly, unsure of what else to do, “It’s nice to meet you too.”

Leaning back, she looked down at Robb, “And you must be Robb.”

“Hi.” He smiled.

“Hello.” She smiled as she offered him her hand, “I’m Lily.”

“Hi Lily.”

She smiled widely before she turned her attention back to me, her yes traveling up and down in an appreciative way, “You are gorgeous!” she declared, “I love your skirt.”

“Oh, thank you.” I smiled, though it felt a little strange to be receiving a compliment on how I good I looked from someone whose looks were so obviously better than mine.

“Rich, doesn’t she look gorgeous?” demanded Lily as Richard finished up with the fans and came to join us.

“Yes she does.” He agreed, turning to look at me with a smile.

I smiled awkwardly in response; he had to agree of course. When Lily put him on the spot like that could he really disagree?

Leaning forward he placed his hand on my shoulder once more and I froze as he placed a quick chaste kiss on my cheek before he turned his attention to Robb.

The whole thing had happened so fast, just like the first time that as soon as the fear sent my stomach into knots, it vanished when he stopped touching me. Deep down I knew my fear was irrational and that there was no true intent behind Richard’s actions, he was just being friendly, but I had to remind myself that I reacted that way to any touch from a man, whether I knew them or not.

Though I noted with interest that it actually took Richard touching me before the fear started, with the man at M&M World, he had merely been close to me before I started panicking. I guess that was some sort of progress maybe.

I was so caught up in my musings that I completely missed the fact that I had been asked a question, “Sorry, what?”

“I asked if you were coming to the after-party?” asked Lily.

“Oh.” I said in shock, I didn’t realize I was invited.

“We should probably head home. Robb looks tired.” Said Richard, it was then I noticed that he had picked Robb up and was holding him against his hip. Robb’s head had dipped and was leaning on Richard’s shoulder sleepily.

“You don’t have to change your plans on our account.” I said instantly, “I’ve got the keys to your place. Go out and have fun.” I encouraged.

“No, we’re playing tourist tomorrow. I want to be well rested for that.” He smiled.

I opened my mouth to argue with him, insist that he go out and have fun but Lily interrupted me.

“Mel, we have to catch up while you’re here and go shopping. Have a girl’s day.” She smiled.

“That would be nice.” I smiled.

I hadn’t had a ‘Girls Day’ since I was fifteen and the prospect of having one soon filled me with more excitement than it should have.

As we said our goodbyes, I saw that a lot of the fans were eying not just me, but Robb with curious looks. Some were snapping pictures again and I tucked my hair behind my ear self-consciously.

Richard carried Robb to the train station and nursed him while we were on the train, before we climbed the stairs and he placed him in bed.

“Thanks for that.” I smiled as I began to undo his shoes and slip them off his feet as gently as possible so he could stay asleep.

“No problem.” He said as he stared down at Robb’s sleeping form with a look that could only be described as adoration. It made my heart swell to see that he cared for my son as much as he cared for him.

“Can I get you anything?” he asked, “Tea? Coffee?”

“No, thanks. I’m just going to head to bed.” I explained.

“Alright.” He said as he turned his body towards the door, but continued to stand in the room awkwardly, he opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something more, but after a moment he seemed to think better of it and simply said, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” I replied before he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

That was… odd. I wondered what on earth had been going through his head just now. What had he wanted to say? And what had caused him not to say it?

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, softly so I didn’t wake Robb, I took off my shoes, pushing all thoughts of Richard to the back of my mind. Although it had been a busy day, I had enjoyed my first day in London and I hoped the rest of the week would continue along that same pattern.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

When I woke up in the morning, I was alone in bed.

Wondering where Robb was I got up and walked out into the kitchen to see him and Richard sitting across from one another at the kitchen counter, eating cereal.

“Hey, there she is.” Said Richard, looking up from his cereal and smiling.

“Morning Mum.” Smiled Robb.

“Good morning.” I replied as I walked over to the two of them, I placed my hand on the back of Robb’s head and kissed his forehead as I sat down on the stool next to him.

“How’d you sleep?” asked Richard.

“Good.” I smiled, “The bed is very comfy.”

“Glad to hear it.” He said as he chewed the last mouthful of cereal, “Can I get you anything?”

“I’ll just have a cup of coffee, please.” I smiled.

A few times, whilst living with my parents, I had woken up to find Robb already having breakfast, but it was usually my parents that took care of him in that way. I had been a little surprised to find Richard had so easily slipped into that role, when it wasn’t required of him.

“Did you tell your mum what we’re doing today bud?” asked Richard, his back to me as he set about my hot drink.

“We’re gonna go see the big clock today!” announced Robb happily, “And the London Eye, and the Bridge, and the castle where the queen lives.” He listed.

“Wow.” I smiled, “Sounds like we have a busy day ahead of us.”

“Yep. So put on some good shoes. We’ll be walking a lot today.” Said Richard as he placed a steaming mug of coffee in front of me.

I simply smiled in response.

We did indeed walk quite a long way. We saw Big Ben and rode the London Eye. We walked across London Bridge and saw the Tower of London. We had fish and chips for lunch in Hyde Park before we went to Buckingham Palace and saw the changing of the guard ceremony. After that we went to Kings Cross train station for a Harry Potter photo opportunity before finishing the day at the Twining’s Tea factory.

It was a long day and I was glad when we got home and I was finally able to put my feet up. I insisted on making dinner as a way to say ‘thank you’ to Richard for showing us around London.

I decided to go with an Australian favourite that I was sure he would appreciate; Parmigiana’s.

I fried two crumbed chicken breasts before I placed them in a tray and laid a piece of bacon over the top of each chicken breast before I topped them with tomatoes and cheese. I then covered the tray with foil and placed it in the oven to cook.

I put together a quick salad before I took the chicken breasts out of the oven and served them on three separate plates.

“You really didn’t have to do this.” Said Richard as he sat down at the kitchen counter.

“It’s the least I can do for letting us stay here and playing tourist with us today.” I said pointedly as I sat down at the counter, Robb was between us.

I waited patiently to see what he thought of the meal. After a few bites he turned to look at me over the top of Robb’s head, “What is this called?”

“Chicken Parmigiana.”

“But sometimes we call them chicken in pyjamas.” Interrupted Robb happily. 

“It’s absolutely delicious.” He told me, “You’re a fabulous cook.’

“Thank you. It’s not that hard to make. I’ll give you the recipe.” I smiled.

“Please do. This is great.” He said as he shovelled another mouthful of food into his mouth.

…

The next day we were up early to catch a train from London to Paris where we once again played tourist.

We saw the Eifel Tower, the Opera Garner, the padlock bridge and the Louvre where Robb was extremely bored while I was blown away by the breath-taking art. Not wanting to rush me, Richard offered to take Robb to the park and get lunch while I browsed the gallery. I expected to feel some sort of hesitance at little Robb go off with Richard, especially given the fact that we were in a foreign country but I didn’t. I trusted Richard with my son; which was an odd thing to admit as the only other people that I extended that trust to was my parents.

None the less I waved goodbye to the two of them before going to pose for an aptly named ‘selfie’ with the Mona Lisa, whose portrait was surprisingly small. I went around and took pictures of myself with all the masterpieces, enjoying looking at the works of art up close. I then went and found Robb and Richard in a park.

“Hey we saved you a croissant with jam.” Smiled Richard when I came to sit with them.

“Thank you.” I smiled as I sat down and took a bite, “Very French.” I said through a mouthful of pastry.

“I thought I’d keep with the theme. I saw a place serving snails just over there if you wanted some.” He suggested.

“God no!”

He laughed.

We smiled as we turned to watch Robb throwing handfuls of dried croissant to eager Pidgeon’s for a few moments before two girls approached us.

“Excuse me?” one of them asked in a heavily accented voice, “Are you Richard Madden?”

“Yes.” He smiled.

“Photograph?” she asked, waving her phone.

“Sure.” He said as he stood up, dusting his hands off on his jeans.

The two girls flanked either side of him as the one who had spoken held her phone out, though I could see she was having trouble getting them all in the shot.

“Do you want me to do it?” I asked, gesturing to the phone.

“Yes.” She replied, handing her phone to me.

Pointing the phone at them I captured a picture before I handed it back to her. They thanked me before they threw Richard one last smile and left.

“Does that happen a lot?” I asked curiously, “People coming up and asking you for photos?”

“Sometimes.” He shrugged, “I don’t mind fans asking for photos. Its those guys that bug me.” He said, nodding his head across the park.

Frowning in confusion I followed his gaze to see a few men, with large camera’s pointed at us, obviously taking pictures.

“Are they paparazzi?” I asked.

“Yes.” He sighed, “I know I don’t have it as bad as some. It’s not like I’m Britney Spears, but they always take pictures of me when I’m out in public and it’s a bit embarrassing when I see a picture of myself in a magazine picking my nose.”

I smiled at his joke, but something suddenly occurred to me, “Do you think they would have taken pictures of me and Robb? Because we’re with you?”

“Probably.” He shrugged.

That unsettled me. Anyone could see those pictures. What if someone recognized us? What it they recognized us?

I reminded myself that we were in a different country and there was little they could do. But it still made me feel a little uneasy.

We caught the late train back to London, Robb fell asleep and Richard once more carried him up to bed. No matter how many times that I told him that he really didn’t have to, I was perfectly capable of carrying Robb myself, he wouldn’t hear of it.

It was strange to see Richard carrying Robb like that, placing him down on the bed and tucking him in after I had removed his shoes. It was something my father used to do when I was a child and it created mixed feelings in me when I saw someone doing it with my own son.

…

The next day we decided to take it easy as we had a pretty busy first couple of days, so we simply stayed in Richard’s apartment, watching movies all day. We even ordered pizza for dinner as we were all too tired to cook.

The next day we took Robb to see The Lion King; it was the most kid-friendly musical that I could find and I knew he loved the movie. He, of course, loved the show and wanted to see more. So the next day we took him to see Matilda the musical. He loved that one as well.

Wanting to instil a little history into our trip, we took did a day trip to Bath and saw an old castle there. At first Robb loved it, he ran around with a stick pretending he was a Knight, but he soon grew bored of the tour guide lectures and started to complain that he wanted to leave. To his credit, Richard was able to entertain him by breaking off from the group and sitting with him on the steps outside, telling him fantastic stories about the nobles and battles that were fought there. None of which were historically accurate but they were very entertaining.

On our eighth day we did another trip out to France to go to Disneyworld. I had thought Robb would only be interested in the rides, but he was far more interested in the characters running around the park and I delighted in taking pictures of him with the various characters.

Knowing that Richard had appeared as the Prince in Cinderella, I teased him mercilessly throughout out the day. He took my bullying in good humour and never failed in his patience for running after Robb all over the theme park.

…

On the tenth day, it was finally hot enough for us to risk a trip to the beach.

We piled into Richard’s black BMW and did the hour and a half long drive out to East Sussex to Camber Sands.

It had been a long time since I had worn a bikini in public and I was a little self-conscious. I decided to keep my grey shirt on so people would not see my stomach and the stretch marks that lay there.

Richard had no such reservations and he whipped off his shirt and stood in nothing but a pair of board shorts.

I wasn’t sure why I was so surprised to see the hard muscles of his abdomen on display. Perhaps it was because he was such a thin guy that I didn’t really associate him with having muscles. But he did. Not the hard and chiselled kind, but enough that they ghosted through the skin to show that he was quite fit.

I found myself staring a little too long at the valley between his pectoral muscles where a light dusting of hair was. I had never seen a young man with his shirt off in the flesh and it was fascinating to me. Or at least that was what I was telling myself, there would be no other reason I was admiring his figure other than simple curiosity.

When he turned to look at me I quickly looked away and busied myself with putting sunscreen on Robb’s face. I hoped the blush that was decorating my cheeks would be attributed to the sun and not my embarrassment at having been caught ogling. He probably thought I had been checking him out, which admittedly I had been, but not in a flirtatious or romantic way. More in an admiring way.

Not that he could tell the difference; ogling was ogling.

I’d just finished smearing sunblock all over Robb’s arms when Richard spoke, “Hey Mel, can you do my back? I can’t reach.”

I blinked in shock, do his back? As in rub sunscreen on his back? As in, touching him?

“Sure.” I squeaked before I could stop myself, why had I said that?

Finishing up with Robb I turned to Richard and he turned around so his back was to me; I stared at the pale skin with interest. Like his chest, his back was similarly muscled, nothing too overdone and obvious, but his shoulder blades were quite rounded, hinting at the hard muscle that lay there. Which I was about to touch.

Taking a deep breath, I covered my hands with sunscreen and reached out to touch him, my fingers stopping mere centimetres off of his skin as my stomach clenched in fear.

There was obviously nothing to be afraid of. He had simply asked me to lather his back in sunscreen; if I wasn’t wearing a shirt I would have had to ask him for the same thing, there was nothing sexual or romantic about it. But this situation reminded me so much of others that I had been forced to endure that for a moment, I was frozen as the memories rushed back to me.

But I didn’t let my fear paralysed me for long, as I pushed my feelings to the side and began to rub the white cream over Richard’s back.

I was methodical in my applying of his sunscreen, almost brisk as I rubbed in circles just enough for the cream to disappear into his pale skin before I moved on. I had his back done in no time and smiled when I was done, having conquered a small fear, “There.” I announced.

“Thanks.” He said as he turned around to face me, “Do you need me to do you?”

I felt all the blood drain from my face as fear clawed at my stomach, “no thanks. I’m going to keep my shirt on.” I dismissed.

He nodded in understanding before he turned his attention to Robb.

I quickly reminded myself that there was nothing to be afraid of. Richard was a friend who had simply offered to help me. That was it. It was nothing.

With that in mind I was able to slow my erratic heart rate as we walked with Robb between us, one of his hands in each of our, to the water and let the waves lap at our feet.

The water was cold. Colder than I was expecting and the heat of the day really wasn’t enough to warrant going into such cool waters, but Robb was already laughing and smiling, so I would just have to brave the icy conditions.

“Want us to lift you over a wave?” asked Richard as we walked into the waved up to our shins.

“Yeah!” smiled Robb.

“Alright, one, two… three!”

As a wave came rolling towards us we lifted Robb by his arms and lifted him out of the water so only his feet brushed the top of the wave before we lowered him back down into the water. He squealed in delight.

“Again?”

“Yeah!”

“One, two, three!”

We repeated the action until Robb could no longer safely walk in the water.

“Do you want to stay here or do you want to go out deeper?” I asked him.

“Deeper.” He smiled.

I smiled back, he really had no fear my son. When I was his age I was lucky to go in any deeper than my knees, yet here he was willing to go out into the deep waters with the bigger waves and the grown-ups.

“Alright.” Said Richard as he lifted him out of the water and placed him behind his head, taking hold of his little legs dangling on his shoulders.

Together we walked out past the breaking waves where the water came up to my chest and the waves were nothing but harmless swells.

“Want to try and swim over to your mum?” asked Richard as he lowered himself down into the water.

“Yeah!”

I smiled as his fearlessness.

Diving off his shoulders, Robb doggy paddled the small distance between us until he could wrap his arms around my neck. I clutched him to me safely. It had never occurred to me until then that he actually didn’t know how to swim; I would have to invest in swimming lessons.

“Want to swim back over to Rich?”

“Yeah!”

And he did exactly that. We ended up making a game of it, Richard and I stepping further and further apart to make Robb swim between us. We were nearly three meters apart before he got bored of the game and wanted to do something else.

Richard then proceeded to throw him in the air and catch him right before he hit the water. Which Robb enjoyed immensely.

I simply stood there, treading water as I watched the two of them play. But a moment struck me when Richard lifted Robb out of the water and held him above his head, smiling up at him. I had never seen such a look of pure love and adoration on any ones face and it touched my heart to see that it was directed at my son.

Richard had no cause to love Robb. There was no family ties or responsibility that made him care. He simply loved Robb because of who he was and to me that meant far more than any love a family member had bestowed on him because Richard had done it all on his own.

Seeing Richard’s affection for Robb, I felt my affection towards him grow. I was glad that there was such a strong male role model in his life and I was glad that Robb had someone like Richard to look up to.

Growing tired, Richard took Robb out to the beach where they began to make sandcastles while I floated out into the waves, enjoying the water.

There was something oddly calming about floating atop of the water. I couldn’t hear anything and all I could see was blue sky. I felt all the tense muscles in my body relax, the tension leaving my body and ebbing out into the water.

It worked far better than a massage of me just lying in the water and feeling the absolute weightlessness that it brought. I had no problems dragging me down, no past memories threatening to pull me under, no fears threatening to corrupt me. I was simply me, floating in the ocean.

I wasn’t sure how long I stayed out there, but I was beginning to feel thirsty so I made my way back to the beach, spotting Richard and Robb on the sand making a sand castle.

At the water wrapped around my legs I looked down to see that my grey shirt was clinging to me like a second skin, leaving no illusion about my shape. The dark purple of my bikini was even showing through.

The shirt felt amazingly heavy now that I was no longer surrounded by water and as the waves lapped at my feet and I continued to walk towards Richard and Robb, I gripped the bottom of the shirt and pulled it up over my head.

It tangled on my hair for a moment and I lent to the side as I pulled the shirt off, before I flicked my hair to the side, finally free from the heavy garment. It was then I focused on Robb and Richard again and saw Richard looking at me, with dark hooded eyes.

What must he be thinking? Was he seeing the horrible stretch marks along my stomach? Or my deflated breasts from breast feeding? Did he notice how large my thighs were and how my hair was an absolute mess atop my head?

The moment his gaze met mine he quickly turned his attention back to Robb. I held my shirt in both of my hands over my stomach where the scars from my pregnancy were most prominent.

“Mum! We made a castle!” declared Robb as I approached.

“Wow!” I encouraged, “Looks pretty good!”

“We even found some pretty shells to decorate it.” He smiled.

“Very pretty.” I smiled as I let my gaze wander around the beach, were all these people staring at me? What must they think of me and my body? I began to feel uncomfortable as I returned my gaze to Robb and Richard, who were too absorbed in their task to look at me, “Shall we head home?” I asked.

“Yeah, about that time.” Richard agreed as he stood up, “Come on bud.”

To my surprise, Robb only left the beach with minimal protests. As soon as we had him in the car he fell fast asleep, too exhausted from the day’s events to sit alert in the car for long.

“I don’t think he’s ever slept this much.” I said to Richard on the long drive back to his place.

“Well we’ve been keeping him pretty busy.” He reminded me.

“True.” I agreed as I looked down at my feet and saw the mess of sand I had brought with me, “Sorry about getting sand in your car.”

“Oh don’t worry about it.” He said, waving me off.

I smiled in response, he had a nice car and not a lot of guys would have reacted as well as he did to having it dirtied.

Once we got back to Richard’s place, Robb and I had a shower and I hung out bathers up to dry. Tomorrow was our last day in London and I wanted them to be dry before we put them in the case.

Wrapping myself in a towel I attempted to wrap Robb in a towel but he threw it off and ran to the bedroom, screaming happily. I shook my head in amusement as his little bare bottom disappeared into the bedroom.

With the towel wrapped around me, I popped out into the lounge room where Richard was waiting. When he saw me, his eyes traced the length of my body once more, his eyes darkening with the same hooded expression I had seen at the beach.

“Shower’s free!” I announced before I quickly dashed down the hallway, wanting to be free of his penetrating blue gaze.

Getting dressed, Robb and I headed out into the lounge room as I heard the sound of the shower running from the bathroom. I put on a movie for Robb and soon Richard joined us, his hair wet and his cheeks freshly shaved.

The rest of the night passed without incident until it was eight o’clock; Robb’s bed time.

“Did you have fun today bud?” I asked as I tucked him into bed.

“Yeah.” He said, “It was a lot of fun.”

“Good.” I smiled, “Now sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.” I said as I leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

“Mum?” he asked as I stood up and went to the door.

“Yes?” I asked curiously. 

“Is Richard my Dad?” he asked simply.

My body froze as I stared at him in shock; had he really just asked what I thought he had just asked?

I stood staring at him for a long moment as he sat in bed, waiting for my answer. But I couldn’t give it to him. With his question, it had raised one of my own.

“Why would you ask me that?” I asked curiously.

“Because he spends time with us at the beach and in the park like the other kids at schools Dad’s do.” He explained.

I blinked in shock as I desperately tried to search for the words that would possibly allow me to answer his impossible question. He thought Richard was his father. What on earth did I say to that?

I knew this day would come, when he would inevitably ask me about his father, but I had thought this conversation was a long way off. And I had not imagined it would begin with him thinking someone else was his father instead of him simply asking who his father was, that was an unexpected complication that I was not prepared for.

I wasn’t prepared for any of it really.

I couldn’t tell him the truth; he was too young. But I couldn’t let him believe Richard was his father, that wasn’t fair on him. I had no idea what to do!

Panicking, I scrambled to think of a way in order to delay the conversation so I could think of a proper answer, “Its late. We’ll talk about it in the morning.” I told him, desperately hoping that he would not fight me for giving such an evasive answer.

“Ok.” He said simply before he wriggled down under the blankets and closed his eyes.

Feeling a little dazed I flicked the light off and closed the door.

I stood there with my hand on the handle for a long while in absolute shock. What on earth did I do? Did I tell Richard? Did I not tell Richard? What if Robb asked him about it?! That would be horrible.

Sighing deeply, I walked out into the lounge room where Richard was still perched on the couch, he looked up at me when I entered and frowned once he saw me, “Are you alright?” he asked.

I had no idea what I looked like, but it mustn’t have looked too good because he instantly knew something was wrong and I wasn’t going to bother lying to him, “No. I’m not.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he switched off the T.V and walked over to me.

I looked up at him in fear, the truth was I was afraid that he would leave. This conversation was enough to scare most men and Robb had become so attached to him that the thought of Richard leaving worried me. It would hurt Robb, it would hurt him badly and I didn’t want to put him through that unnecessary pain. But Richard was a part of this now and he needed to know what was happening.

Releasing a breath, I didn’t know I had been holding, I let the words tumble out of my mouth before I could stop them, “Robb think’s you’re his Father.”

He blinked, his blue eyes going wide in shock, “Oh.” He replied.

I looked down at my feet feeling ashamed. It was my own fault. I had let the lines between the three of us get blurred. No wonder Robb thought Richard was his father after all the time we had spent together. This was all my fault.

“What did you say?” he asked curiously.

“Well, nothing.” I replied, “I didn’t know what to say.” I said honestly.

“You didn’t think to tell him the truth?”

“God no!” I said, looking up at him in horror as a sick feeling entered my stomach, “His father is…” I trailed off, I couldn’t even say it. I couldn’t even think of the man. I shook my head as the impossible situation overwhelmed me, “I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to shatter his world but I can’t have him believe you’re his dad.”

“Why not?” he asked me simply.

I blinked in shock, “Because it’s not fair on you.” I said pointedly.

“I wouldn’t mind.”

I stared at him in absolute astonishment, was he really offering to let my son go on believing he was his father? No, that couldn’t be right, “How can you not mind? He’s not your kid. You’re not responsible for him.”

“Is his real father responsible for him?” he fired back.

“No.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

I stared at him again, I felt as if the rug had been pulled out from underneath me, “What exactly are you offering?”

“I’m offering to be there for him.” He said seriously.

“Why?” I demanded.

“Because I love him. I love him like he is my own son and if he needs to believe I’m his Dad then I’m ok with that.” He explained.

This was too much. Way too much. It was amazing that Richard wanted to spend time with him in the first place, but to extend himself like this, to become a permanent and prominent fixture in my son’s life… I wasn’t sure I could handle that.

I didn’t doubt that he loved Robb. It seemed to be an obvious thing. But this? To pick up the mantle of father that had been so ceremoniously abandoned by his real father? That was more than I could ever ask of any man, let alone Richard who had done so much already.

“I can’t ask you to do that.” I mumbled, unable to look him in the eye. I couldn’t bear to see the man before me that was far too good in every sense of the term.

“You didn’t. I offered.” He replied.

That was right, he had offered. Throughout this whole relationship, it had always been him to extend the contact, extend the friendship, I had never asked him for anything. He always gave it willingly. So I knew he was not being forced into this by some sick sense of moral or sympathy.

But could I really accept this? Could I really accept such a gracious gift when I had absolutely nothing to give him? It was then I realized that the gift wasn’t for me. It was for Robb and I had no right to refuse him.

“You don’t have to.” I qualified once more, just to give him one final chance to back out.

“I know I don’t have to.” He told me seriously, “I want to.”

I shook my head, in absolute awe of him. I looked down at my feet as I felt tears spring to my eyes. He was too good and too generous and I didn’t deserve to have such a friend like him. He was everything I hoped Robb would grow up to be and now, there was a very real chance that might happen if he thought that he was his father.

“But Mel if I’m going to do this I need to know.” He said suddenly.

I frowned and looked up at him, “Know what?”

“I need to know what happened to you both. I need to know what you’ve been through. It’s the only way we can do this.” He said seriously, his blue eyes staring down at me intently.

If anyone else had asked I would have refused. Reporters, family members, book publishers, lawyers, they had all asked me for my story and I had refused them all.

I had only told my story once and that had been with my parents by my side and a police officer taking notes, which were then passed along to my doctor. They were the only people that needed to know and I never wanted to repeat the story again.

When I said it allowed, I relived it. It made something that most people would have dismissed as night mares become real and I wasn’t sure if I could handle doing that. Not again.

But it was not some reporter or publisher wanting to know my story for their own personal gain. It was Richard. He needed to know because he wanted to be a part of our lives and to do that, he needed to understand.

He had given so much and was willing to give so much more, could I really refuse his request.

Letting loose a long breath I walked past him and sat down at the kitchen counter. If I was going to do this, I was going to need to sit down. My knees would surely go weak from fear and my stomach would churn, I needed to be as comfortable as possible if I was going to do this.

I put my head in my hand as I tried to prepare myself. I knew it sounded simple, but it was not an easy thing to do. It was like ripping off the scab to a barely healed cut, the moment I did, it would start bleeding and I would be forced to start the healing process all over again.

But I had to do it. Not for me, but for Robb.

Gritting my teeth, I removed my hand from my face and turned to look at him, “Alright.” I said, my voice coming out far surer that I felt, “I’ll tell you.”


	8. Chapter 8

Richard didn’t say anything as he came to sit on the stool beside me.

I took a deep breath and tried to prepare myself for what I was about to do, “How much do you know already?” I asked.

I knew his manager must have told him something when he pitched the idea of meeting Robb to him, I needed to know how much he knew before I told him my story. 

“The same as most people I guess, you were kidnapped by a cult when you were fifteen, you escape six years later with your son and they haven’t found the people responsible yet.” He said simply.

I nodded.

“They told me that you used to watch Game of Thrones while you were, ah, captive,” he said, seeming to hesitate at the word, “And that Robb was a big fan of my character.”

“That’s right.” I said nodding again.

“That was it, really.”

I sighed deeply that was all that anyone besides the police, doctors and my parents had been told. Which wasn’t very much on the grand scale of things.

“I was walking home from school when this guy stopped his car, leaned out the window and asked if I could help him because he was lost. Oldest trick in the book really, I was stupid to fall for it.” I said.

“You were fifteen.” He reasoned.

“But I should have known better. I should have known the moment he got out and opened the back door of his car that something was up…” I shook my head, there was no use berating myself about my stupidity now, I’d done it countless times after I had been kidnapped it had almost become habit, but it was distracting from the story and I wanted to get it over and done with quick, “He made it look like he was getting a map but the moment I got close he turned around and grabbed me, putting a rag over my mouth as he did. I kicked and screamed but the next thing I knew, I was out. He had something on the rag, something that knocked me out.” I explained, I was still a little fuzzy on the details of that part no matter how many times I thought over what happened.

“When I woke I was in a shipping container. There was a bed and a bath and a toilet and sort of kitchenette with a stove and sink but that was it.” I explained, “There was no light and the door was bolted from the outside. I screamed my lungs out but nothing happened. No one came. Until finally the bolt slid across and I ran to the door and tried to get out but he was too strong, he pushed me back into the room and the other women came in after him.” I said before I took a deep breath, there was no reason to go into details about the next part, “The other wives, there were six of them, they held me down while he did what he did.”

My voice shook, that was still the hardest part for me to talk about, the first time. I tried to shrug, tried to make light of the situation, “You probably guessed as much.”

“Is he Robb’s father?” he asked simply.

I nodded, “His name was Jonah. He thought he was some prophet sent from god. He had one wife for every day of the week. I was Sunday.”

“There were seven of you?” he asked.

I nodded, “The oldest, Carol, she was his first wife. She was Monday. The rest he’d stolen over time, mostly when they were around the age of twelve. Old enough to give him children but young enough that they could be brainwashed. They thought I was twelve when they got me and I never told them how old I really was. I’d been brought in because one of the girls had killed herself after her child died.”

He nodded in understanding.

“While there were only seven wives, there were his older daughters as well. As far as I know he never touched any of his daughters, even though the eldest was at least thirty. They mostly helped look after the children. When I left, there were twenty-three daughters, ten of whom were under the age of twelve. I remembered thinking at the time that it was odd there were no boys, but I just figured no one had one until me.” I explained.

“What did they do? When you had Robb?”

“I’d only been there three months when I found out I was pregnant. When I had Robb, they all shunned me. No one gave me any help or advice on how to raise a child, I was completely on my own. Even though the others all helped one another, they never helped me. And worse, they made up these rules because Robb was a boy. He was only allowed to play with the girls under the age of five, he wasn’t allowed to play with their toys, he wasn’t allowed in anyone else’s shipping container, things like that. But they seemed to want to punish me too as they always gave me the hardest chores, always excluded me from anything fun they were doing and we were always given the worst of the food. They all worked to make my life as miserable as possible while I was there. I think they knew that I didn’t believe that Jonah was a prophet. They knew I didn’t believe he was my husband and could do what he liked to me. Even though they drilled it into us every day. I never gave in. I never believed it and they knew that. So they hated me. They hated that they couldn’t break me.” I explained.

“Did Robb know that Jonah was his father?”

I shook my head, “He knew that when Jonah came, every Sunday night, that he had to sleep in the wardrobe. I’d learnt to be quiet by then or he’d hurt me. Or worse get the other wives to hold me down. I knew Robb could hear so I never made a sound, I didn’t want him to think I was hurt or in trouble and come out of the wardrobe. But I didn’t want Jonah to be anywhere near him. Robb didn’t know he was anything other than the man that came in through the fence that he brought food. That was it.”

“Came through the fence?”

“It was a compound. Eight shipping containers, one for each wife. The eighth one was a school and sort of a church where all the children were taught about Jonah and his divine right over all women. I never let Robb go. I taught him myself. If I wasn’t brainwashed, I wasn’t going to let my son be.” I explained, “There was a chain link fence around the containers, barbed wire on top and electrified, so there wasn’t much hope of escaping. And even if I did escape, we were surrounded by forest on all four sides. Who was to say I wouldn’t get lost in the forest and die?” I sighed, “There was some days where I considered it. Some days when I thought it would be better to take my chances out there and possibly die than live another moment in the compound. But then I had Robb and everything changed. I had him to think of.”

“So you stayed.”

I nodded, “I tried to make my life a little more bearable. I suggested we grow our own food instead of him having to buy it. Robb and I were getting the scraps anyway and I thought if I could grow us some food, we might at least get a better meal at night. Soon I had a good garden growing. So good that the others would come and steal my produce sometimes. So I had to be quick, but that garden meant the world to me. It meant we could eat; it gave me something to do during the day that I enjoyed. I loved seeing the plants go from just a tiny seed into something big enough to harvest vegetables from. Surrounded by so much bad, those plants were still able to grow.”

“Because of you.” He stated.

I nodded, “I thought, even if we never escaped, perhaps Robb could grow into something good, despite being surrounded by so much bad.”

“I have no idea how you did it.” He marvelled.

“It sounds cliché but I basically tried to live just one day at a time. Things didn’t seem so long then and my life revolved around Robb. Every morning I’d get up and make Robb breakfast, then we’d go out for a run around the compound before having a bath, washing our clothes as well. We’d hang them out to dry before going to the garden and doing whatever was needed there before I’d start class for him. We always started the morning with Maths because that was Robb’s favourite before I’d move on to something like History or something and we’d do that until lunch. I’d make lunch, then I’d spend time on his reading and writing. Then in the afternoon I’d always try and find something fun for him to do. Maybe playing a game, sometimes he’d be able to play with some of the other kids but most of the time it was me. He loved to bake so when we first got our supplies I would try and bake something with him, cookies, or a cake or anything that I could remember how to make. He loved doing the math of measuring everything out. Sometimes we’d do like arts and crafts, to try and make things, like the egg snake, which was heaps of egg shells on string tied to a sock so it looked like a snake. He liked to make things and if it made him happy I tried to work it into our daily routine because seeing him happy made me happy. I liked the garden, so whenever Robb was off playing by himself or with other kids, that’s where I was. I spent so much time in that garden that it was almost like another child that I was nurturing and helping to grow.” Realizing I was going off topic I cleared my throat and tried to focus, “Then it would be dark and I’d make us dinner while he watched television. We’d have dinner then we’d both watch television before I’d put him to bed.” I said, recounting what had been the majority of my life for the last several years, “Once he was in bed, that was when things got difficult. I would try and stay busy, clean or organize things like meals or class for the next day. But it was never enough, most of the time I’d go to bed either crying or too exhausted to cry. Sometimes I would just sit staring at the wall and try to think of ways to escape. Try to think of ways to make our life better. Mostly I thought about my family and how different my life might have been if I’d never been kidnapped. Even though I knew there was no way I would have had Robb if I hadn’t been captured, I always imagined him in my life. He was always a part of it because, I couldn’t really imagine my life without him now, I just loved him so much and he brought so much happiness into my life when there was none. It sounds stupid but I prayed every night that we’d be found. I never really believed in god and I still don’t. But in those moments it was comforting to think there was something else, something listening or watching over us that would eventually put things right.”

I felt as if I was rambling, telling him things that he didn’t need to know. So I shut my mouth and simply sat there, reflecting on what I had just told him.

We were silent for a moment.

“How did you manage to only have Robb?” he asked suddenly, “When he was…” he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

“That was another reason for the garden. I’d always had an interest in botany and I knew of a few plants that could force a period. Don’t get me wrong, I love Robb. I love him with all my heart and I wouldn’t have lasted as long as I did without him. But I knew the more children I had, the harder it would be to escape. The more ties I had… to him. To that place. Even though I couldn’t think of a way to escape, I never gave up hope that I would.” I explained, “And I didn’t want to become like them; the other wives. Their lives evolved around their children so much that they themselves seemed to have disappeared. I didn’t want that.” 

“What made you finally escape?”

“One night one of the wives, Hannah her name was, she came to the garden to steal some of my tomatoes. I caught her, red handed and she knew it. I was bigger than she was and I could have easily hurt her, I think that was what she was expecting. But I didn’t. I handed her back the tomatoes and she just looked at me for the longest time. I had no cause to be nice to her, she had never been kind to me, but I let her have those tomatoes because her daughter was one of the only girls that still played with Robb. And I wanted to extend that friendship for him as long as I possibly could, so if that meant losing a few tomatoes, I was fine with it. She made to go, not saying a word but she’d barely taken two steps before she came back to me and said, ‘He’s going to kill him.’” I said, my voice going hard, “She explained that when the boys turned five, when they were no longer children, he saw them as a threat, so he killed them. She’d had her boy killed a few years before I got there. The girl before me, that was why she’d killed herself because Jonah had killed her little boy. Robb’s fifth birthday was three months away. So I had until then to figure out a plan.”

“What did you do?” he asked, his voice hard.

“The garden. I grew corn as a way to block out part of the fence and I began to dig under it. Careful not to touch it. I hoarded away what food I could. We weren’t allowed anything metal; all our cutlery was plastic so we couldn’t use it as weapons against him. I knew if I got my hands on something big enough I could short the fence, so I ripped off the stainless steel tap from my sink. Then it was all about the timing. I couldn’t go in the winter, we were in the snowy mountains, so we wouldn’t have lasted five minutes. I had to wait until the weather was warmer, but that was closer to Robb’s birthday, so it didn’t leave me a very big window of opportunity.” I explained, “So the Sunday night when he came in. I got the ceramic lid off the toilet and smashed it over his head before I tied him up and gagged him, the wives tended to stay away from whichever container he was in for the night, so I knew that was my best chance of getting away. As I grabbed our backpack and Robb… I thought about killing him. He was lying on the ground so pathetic and helpless… I wanted to kill him. But then I thought, what kind of person would that make me? I’d be no better than him. How could I be fit to be Robb’s mother if I was a murderer?” I asked him, looking up at him with pleading eyes as I begged him to understand, “So I left him there. I shorted out the fence which caused the electricity for the entire compound to go off so no one could see us. We crawled under the fence and disappeared into the bush.”

Richard was looking down at the floor now, his jaw clenched. It was almost as if he couldn’t look at me and I didn’t blame him; what must he think of me? I was obviously some used, broken, messed up thing that he couldn’t even look at. But I had started telling my story now and once I started, I couldn’t stop.

“I knew they would come check the container in the morning, so I would only have that night to put as much distance between me and the compound as I could. I found the southern cross constellation and used that as an anchor to head east. I walked all night, with Robb on my back and most of the next day too, making sure in the morning I was heading directly into the sun and at sunset the sun was behind me. I knew if I kept walking in a straight line I would eventually find civilization. But by the second day I was getting tired. So I found and old log and crawled in there, that way even if they were out looking for us, they wouldn’t see us straight away. And it continued like that. I’d walk all day and most of the night, only sleeping a few hours when it first got dark. I was so exhausted by that time that I would practically pass out. I wouldn’t have time to hear every little sound that could possibly be Jonah, having found us, or some feral dog that could attack us. I was so tired that I could hardly think let alone be afraid. I walked for three days before I found a river.” I told him.

“What did you do when you found the river?” he asked, still staring at the floor.

“Cried. I knew if I followed it then I would eventually find a town and walking through the water, if Jonah had dogs or something trained on our scent, they’d lose it. So I walked down stream for another two days. We were running out of food by then and Robb was weak. I carried him in my arms until I saw a caravan parked by the river. There was an elderly couple in there. I ran over to them and by that time I was so exhausted that I just…” I struggled to find the words, “I handed them Robb and I passed out.”

I looked down at the floor, I felt exhausted now. Having to tell my story, having to relive everything… it was exhausting but it was almost done, “When I woke up I was in the hospital. I told them what happened, about the cult and how I’d been abducted. I told them who I was and they contacted my parents and then… well the rest is history.” I shrugged.

The shrug felt all wrong. My shoulder were heavy, everything about me was heavy as I sat on that stool and desperately tried not to see their faces; Jonah, Carol, the other wives and daughters… they were all there and they were all waiting.

“I still remember that first morning, waking up in the hospital with Robb by my side, knowing for the first time in six years that we were safe.” I shook my head as I tried to describe what had happened that morning, “Robb was… he didn’t understand a lot of things at first. Who the Doctors and nurses were and why the police were there and stuff. He didn’t even understand the concept of eating breakfast in bed or what fresh fruit was. Up until that morning, I’d forgotten how different and strange everything had to be for him. I’d taken him away from the only life he’d ever known and now… he didn’t seem to know what to do. He didn’t know what anything was and he sat, clutching me for the longest time in fear and I was so afraid that he wouldn’t be able to handle it, life in the outside world. He didn’t even understand what the window was, he’d never seen one. He sat for the longest time touching the glass, he just couldn’t understand what it was and I started to cry because I just thought how sad it was that a child didn’t know what a window was. I just sat and cried because I felt so selfish, in doing something that would make me happy I had ripped my son away from everything he’d ever known and condemned him to a life that he would never understand. I just thought that he would never be happy. I had gotten everything that I wanted at the cost of my son. But as soon as my parents walked in, I knew everything was going to be ok because he knew who they were, I hadn’t said anything, there was no introduction. He just watched them hug me before he called them Grandma and Grandpa.” I said, a small smile gracing my lips as I thought about the first time I’d seen my parents in six years. The first time I introduced them to their grandson and Robb to his grandparents. 

“We stayed in the hospital for over two weeks, I spent my days talking to the therapist and trying to get a handle on how the world was now. The world was very different. Robb saw the therapist every day and he started to get a good handle on things as well but I still worried that all of it would be too much for him. That he would never be like other kids and that he would actually resent me for taking him away from the compound.” I said quietly.

“You did the right thing. You know that right?” he asked seriously.

“I know.” I assured him, “I just worried about him. I still do. Though I started to feel a little better seeing him with my parents. I don’t know why but I thought they would hate him, he was this living breathing reminder of all the horrible things that had happened to me. But from the moment they met him, they loved him. Especially my dad. He basically picked him up and never let go really. That made me feel a little better. But the big sort of, comfort happened the first day we’d left the hospital actually, and had gone to my parents’ house and I’d shown him his very own bedroom. He’d never had his own room before and so many toys had been donated by people who had heard about what had happened to us. I stood in the doorway, watching him anxiously as I waited to see what he thought about all of it and he turned to me and asked, ‘Will they find us?’ and I knew then that I’d done the right thing, even though it was the only life he’d ever known he knew that there was more to life. He knew that we were in a bad situation and that this was a better life. He even feared going back to that life now that he knew how great life could be.” I explained.

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him ‘no, they’ll never find us.’ And I’ve been trying like hell to believe that ever since.”

“Why?”

“They found the compound a few weeks later but it was empty. Nothing but the containers and fence was left. Jonah and the others, they’re still out there. That’s why I’ve never done an interview, I don’t want them to see it and know where we are. I live in constant fear that they’ll find us.” I said, my voice growing strained as I spoke too quickly.

All the fears I had kept buried, not just about the Cult finding us but everything, mostly to do with Robb, came bubbling to the surface; would he be affected later on in life by all that had happened in his youth? He seemed ok now, but how long would that last? What would he do when he found out he was a product of rape? When he found out who his father was? That he was a murderer? A rapist? A cult leader? 

And with those questions, came the others; why had I not gotten out sooner? I should have fought harder. I should have run when he was a baby. I should never have believed that Jonah was lost. I should never have gone near his car.

I was a terrible person. I should have been stronger. I should have been smarter. And now, my son would pay the price. Maybe not today, but I knew, at some point I knew, that all that had happened would catch up to us. And tonight, with him finally asking about his father… that was just the beginning of it.

The beginning of the end really.

I wasn’t sure when it happened, but I suddenly saw my pants dotted with water and I realized I was crying. A giant sob racked my body and I felt my shoulder shake.

Then suddenly, a hand reached out and grabbed mine.

I jumped, startled for a moment by the contact, when I realized that Richard had reached out and grasped my hand that was resting on my knee.

I looked up at him through watery eyes to see he was staring at me. His electric blue eyes were glassy and I thought he might be on the verge of tears too. But as he looked at me, something came over him… even though he stared me straight in the eye, it was like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

He didn’t look at me with judgement like I had expected, instead, he looked at me with total and utter awe.

His hand gripped mine tightly as he stared at me.

I waited for the fear to come, from being touched, but it didn’t. Having just spoken about Jonah I was reminded of his touch and could clearly feel how different Richard’s touch was to his. I knew it was nothing but a comforting gesture and I even squeezed his hand back to let him know that I appreciated it.

“You’re amazing.” He told me.

The way his voice was so certain and sure, made me let loose a humourless bark of laughter, nothing could be further from the truth of what he said, “No I’m not.” I sniffed, looking away.

“You are.” He insisted, “What you had to endure and what you did for your son, it’s nothing short of amazing.”

I shook my head, he was wrong. So very wrong.

“I’m in awe of you right now.” He said fervently.

That startled me and I looked up, by the look on his face, I could tell he meant what he said.

But how could I believe him? How could he think such a thing about me when he knew? He knew what had happened to me. He knew about my past and the darkest secrets that laid there.

Yet he thought I was amazing? He was in awe of me? Impossible. It was I, who was in awe of him. I was truly floored by this brilliant man who did not judge me, who did not see me as a broken thing beyond repair or my child as a consequence of horrible circumstances. Instead he offered nothing but understanding and, in Robb’s regard, love.

“Compared to you?” I challenged, “Stepping up and taking responsibility for a child when you have no cause to?”

He blinked, seeming stunned by my question.

It suddenly occurred to me that I had never asked him that question, I had never asked him why he wanted to extend the hand of friendship to Robb. I’d always been so happy that he had to question it, but now I did.

A part of me had always thought their friendship would be temporary, that they might communicate for a little while before Richard would grow bored and forget about him. But now he was offering to become a permanent fixture in his life and I needed to know why. I needed to know that his relationship with my son wasn’t a passing phase. That he would be there for him as long as was needed.

Sighing deeply, he released my hand and ran it through his hair, seeming unsure of what to say next, “Do you know Jenna Coleman?” 

The name vaguely rang a bell, “Yeah she’s an actress on Doctor Who.”

“Well, up until the start of this year, she was my girlfriend.” He explained, “And at the start of the year, she was pregnant.”

I nodded in understanding.

“I was so excited. I wanted to be a Dad. I wanted to start my own family. I wanted to have a child that was part me and part her. I started imagining what he would look like, it was always a boy in my head even though I never knew the gender. I imagined what he would look like, what he would be interested in, what we would do together, all the things I could teach him… those kind of things. I even picked out a few names.” He said, a sad smile coming onto his lips.

“What happened?”

“It was Valentines Day. I’d organized a big dinner for us but she didn’t eat it. She just stayed in bed all day. And that was when I knew something was wrong. Jenna loved Valentines Day, any holiday really. I was sitting on the bed, asking what was wrong when she told me that she’s had an abortion.” He said, his voice growing hard.

I blinked in shock.

“She didn’t talk to me about it. She didn’t tell me that she didn’t want a child and that she wasn’t ready to be a mum. She just went and got rid of him. Like it was a nuisance or something.” He said, a sad note creeping into his voice, “Long story short, I was ready to be a father. She wasn’t ready to be a mother. She wasn’t prepared to have a kid, she thought that it would be the end of her career. No matter how many times I told her that it wouldn’t be, she never listened. So we broke up.”

Overwhelmed with a sense of compassion I made to reach out and take his hand in a similar gesture to the way he had taken mine, but I thought better of it. My hand twitched in my lap as I looked at him, my heart aching with sympathy, but I didn’t touch him.

“Then I meet this kid. The brilliant, smart, great kid, whose been through so much, something that no kid should really go through and he’s still smiling! He’s still just a playful happy kid. And he’s got green eyes like his mother and curly hair like me and I thought…” he trailed off, as he tried to find the right words to express himself, “I don’t know what I thought.” He said honestly, “I just knew I wanted to keep him in my life a little bit longer because, he just reminded me so much of the little boy I had pictured in my head. Not just in looks but in spirit as well.”

A lot of things suddenly made sense.

Not only why he had first agreed to the meeting but why he had taken such an interest in Robb. It also explained why he was so great with him in every way, not only talking to him and listening to his childish babble but playing with him, never tiring of whatever game he fancied and his endless patience in not only entertaining him when he got bored but in everything he did with him.

It explained why he had chosen to extend the relationship beyond the first obligatory meeting, and to go so far as to talk to him every single day and invite us into his home.

It showed why he meant so much to him because he was not only the son he wanted, but the son he would never have.

And Richard was the father Robb would never have.


	9. Chapter 9

Richard and I stayed up for half the night talking. He asked me various questions about my time in the cult and I answered them as best I could. But mostly, we talked about our arrangement.

What I wanted from Richard in taking on the role of ‘father’ to Robb was basically everything he was doing now, someone for him to turn to, someone for him to confide in and someone for him to look up to. To reinforce the teachings of right and wrong and to generally just be there for him, when he was needed.

Such a thing was made a little more difficult, seeing as we lived in separate countries, but we made a deal right then and there that we would never let more than six months pass without Robb and Richard being able to physically be together.

We also decided that when the time was right, we would tell him the truth. But only when he was old enough to handle it, not a moment before.

Going to bed that night, I held Robb close to me as I fell asleep with a strange sense of lightness. I felt as if the weight that I was always carrying around with me was somehow a little more bearable. All the fears I had about Robb’s future were eased a little when I now realized, I wouldn’t be in the parent’s game entirely by myself.

But best of all, I could keep Robb as the innocent child he was for a little longer. He didn’t have to know about his father and everything that came with that. Not today. And even when he did eventually find out, I had still provided him with a loving father figure for him to grow up with and that was more than I could have ever hoped for.

…

The next morning, when I walked out into the kitchen, Richard had a cup of coffee waiting for me, which I took with a grateful smile and he smiled back before turning his attention back to Robb.

I couldn’t help but feel like something had changed in my relationship with Richard. Like there was some sort of silent understanding between us?

Was it because he knew about my past and I knew about his? Was it because I now knew that he was going to be in my life for a long time? Had I become more comfortable around him? More secure? But when had I really ever been nervous?

It was strange but I didn’t dare address it. It was probably all in my head anyway.

I was just trying to persuade Robb to keep his cereal in his bowl and not put it in his toy cement mixer when my phone rang; it was Lily.

It was our last day in London and she was insisting on taking me out shopping.

“I can’t just leave Robb.” I reasoned.

“Nonsense, Rich can watch him.” She said flippantly.

I sighed, while I was loathed to spend money, as the point of going to a different country was not to shop in my opinion, I did want to have a girly day. So I turned to Richard, “Would you mind watching Robb today while I go out with Lily?”

“Do you even have to ask?” he said pointedly.

He had a point. Richard was practically spending every moment with Robb, it didn’t make that much difference if I was there or not. So I agreed, with the stipulation that we do a certain thing before the day was out.

“Why on earth do you want to get your nails done?” she asked as we walked arm and arm into the nail salon.

“Because I’ve never had it done before.” I smiled, “I’ve always got dirt under my nails from gardening. I’d like to have them all pretty and polished for a little while.”

She shrugged, seeming to accept my explanation without question. 

I decided to get a French manicure, where the tips of my nails were painted white and the bed of them was painted nude. It was quite a nice affect and made my nails look longer than they were.

“So,” began Lily as we sat in the recliners while women massaged our feet, “How are you finding London?” she asked.

“Loving it. I’ll be sad to leave.” I told her.

“What have you loved the most?”

“I don’t know. It feels a lot like Melbourne, which I like but it’s also so much more open to opportunities and everything.” I explained.

The truth was, I liked London because it reminded me of home, but it was not home. It was so far removed from home that I wasn’t constantly looking over my shoulder. I wasn’t wondering if at any moment they would find us because we were in an entirely different country! There were no reminders of the past here; it was all new and fresh but it still felt like home.

“I could happily live here.” I added.

“You should.”

I laughed, “Not unless I win the lottery.”

“What would you do if you did win the lottery?”

“Hmmm,” I said thoughtfully, “I would start up a florist business where I could spend all day in a greenhouse growing plants.”

“That sounds exhausting.” She observed.

“It is. But it’s what I’d like to do, if I could do anything in the world.” I smiled before I turned to her, “What would you do if you won the lottery?”

“Start my own film company.” She said immediately, this was obviously something she had thought about before, “I could have my pick of what movies I wanted to make, what role I wanted to play. No more auditioning or playing parts I don’t like.” She listed before she sighed, “It would be great.”

“Now that sounds like hard work to me.” I said pointedly and she laughed.

After a moment of peaceful silence, she spoke again, “So, what’s the deal with you and Richard?”

“What do you mean?” I asked as I turned to look at her.

“I mean he talks to you practically every day and he really enjoys hanging out with you. Sounds like there might be something there.” She smiled.

I rolled my eyes, of course she would jump to that conclusion. It was what everyone jumped to; there was no way two people of opposite genders could simply enjoy each other’s company without any romantic intentions.

“He talks to me and Robb every day. And he enjoys hanging out with the both of us. It’s got nothing to do with me. Richard is just crazy about Robb.” I explained.

“You don’t think he could be crazy about you too?” she asked.

“Hardly.” I said pointedly.

“And you’re not interested in him?”

“Guys and anything romantic are so far off my radar right now. I’m just focusing on Robb and getting our life together.” I told her.

“But if guys were on your radar, would Rich be a candidate?” she asked, “He’s handsome and you know he already likes Robb.”

“I guess.” I shrugged, “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

That was a lie.

The thought that there could be something more between Richard and myself had crossed my mind. Those times when I saw him and Robb playing together, or when we sat up talking for hours on end, after Robb had gone to bed. In those moments I did wonder… But the moment that happened, everything in my being shied away from it.

Men, in general, still frightened me. Dating? Even more frightening. Physical contact? Absolutely terrifying. I was nowhere near ready to open myself up like that, so thinking about it was pointless, so I hardly ever did.

Perhaps I was procrastinating over what should have been a real concern to me, but I had gone through so much recently that I wanted my life to settle down a little more. I wanted more time to heal and to find a little more of myself before I invited someone else into my life.

Not to mention Robb. I was not the kind of girl that was going to introduce my son to a parade of potential lovers, just to see how they interacted and judge a future with someone based on that.

Things with Richard were different, his relationship with Robb had nothing to do with me. But I felt if I were to bring any potential lovers to meet him, their relationship would be based entirely on me and that didn’t seem right.

But what other way was I supposed to do it? Did I just resign myself to living my life alone? That was not an appealing thought. But the thought of being with someone intimately, in the near future, was even less appealing.

It was a real conundrum. But I reminded myself it was a problem for another day and simply enjoyed my day with Lily.

We went shopping and I discovered that I had no real concept of what was in style these days. In fact, I had no real sense of style at all. I was wearing the same clothes I had worn when I was fifteen. This was something that absolutely horrified Lily and she resolved to buy me an entirely new wardrobe.

I didn’t want to spend that much money so we compromised on ten items.

I found that I was drawn to long skirts. I liked how they made me look taller and gave me a certain sense of modesty. But I didn’t want to look like I belonged with the Amish, so we teamed each flowing long skirt with a fashionable and tight top.

I had forgotten what it was like to go shopping, showing dresses to friends to ask their opinion or giving them dresses to try on, that you thought might look good. Gushing about girly things like Taylor Swift and what celebrity hunk we would marry. It was all light and fluffy and I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would.

By the end of the day, I had grown quite fond of her and the feeling appeared to be mutual as Lily and I were walking hand in manicured hand with several bags of shopping.

She dropped me off at Richard’s apartment, making me promise to keep in touch before she drove off with a happy little toot from her car. I was still smiling when I entered the apartment, where I found the lounge room was dismantled and there seemed to be some sort of cushion and blanket mountain in the middle of the room.

“Ah, knock, knock.” I said, coming to what I assumed was a door hole.

“Hey Mum.” Said Robb popping his head out with an excited smile, for some reason he was holding a spatula, “We built a castle.”

“I can see that.” I smiled, “Where’s Richard?”

“In here!” came a muffled voice, then suddenly Richard popped out the other side of the mountain of pillows, a wooden spoon in his hand.

I resisted the urge to laugh.

“We’re defending Winterfell from the Lannisters.” Robb explained.

“Ah.” I said, “And whose winning?”

“We are!” announced Richard, sounding vaguely offended.

“Of course you are.”

“Do you want to come in?” he asked with a smile.

“Hey! No girls allowed!” complained Robb.

“Well it’s your mum buddy, I think we can make an exception.” Richard bargained.

“Ok.” He agreed.

Placing my shopping bags down on the kitchen counter, I got down on my hands and knees and crawled into the blanket and cushion cubby.

It was quite warm in there and the harsh sunlight was muted when it shone through the blankets. I couldn’t stand up but I could sit comfortably and was surprised to see there was quite a lot of leg room, “Wow.” I marvelled, “You two built this?”

“Yep!” said Robb proudly.

“Pretty good.” I commented.

“Wait, you haven’t seen the best part!” he said, “You have to lie down.”

“Alright.” I said as I shifted to lie down, facing up at the blanketed roof of the cubby.

“You too Rich.” He commanded.

“Ok. You’re the boss.” He said as he shifted to lie on his back next to me.

“I’ll be right back!” said Robb before he got on his hands and knees, crawling over our legs and out of the cubby.

“Do you know what he’s going to do?” I asked, turning to face Richard as we laid on our backs together.

“Not a clue.”

We laughed together.

The air around us was quite heavy and as we lay there, I suddenly realized how cramped the conditions were and how close he was to me. No parts of our bodies were touching, but our shoulders were mere centimetres apart.

I waited for the fear to come and something was indeed stirring inside my stomach that felt like fear, but it didn’t come with the panic that normally did. My heart was not racing but my stomach was clenched anxiously. I had no idea what I was feeling, but most confusingly, I didn’t know if I wanted to continue lying there with him or get up and move away.

Normally my first instinct would have been to move away and if he was to get much closer, I was sure I would in fact do that. But he was close now and I didn’t want to move. I wasn’t panicked but I still felt anxious. About what though?

Again, I was struck with just how intimate the whole situation was. Sure, we were laying down in the middle of a tent made out of cushions and blankets, but it was just the two of us in there; our bodies centimetres apart with the air feeling heavy around us.

“What are you thinking about over there?” I asked him as I noticed her had placed his hands behind his head and was staring up at the blankets over our heads.

“Just thinking about you guys leaving tomorrow.” He said simply, “I kind of got used to having you around.”

“Won’t you be happy to finally get some peace and quiet?”

“No. It’ll be empty.”

“If I was you, I would be glad to be rid of us and our mess.” I said lightly.

“I like your mess.” He said seriously as he turned to look at me, his gaze finally meeting mine.

There was something a behind his voice. Something real and intense that made us both stop and take stock of one another.

What did he see when he looked at me? Did he a see a broken girl that could never be repaired? Did he see a kidnapped girl who escaped a cult? Did he see a struggling mother just trying to get by?

Or did he just see a girl, perhaps even a beautiful girl, laying down next to him in a pillow fort?

When I looked at Richard I saw so many things; I saw a friend of my son. I saw a man who had stepped up and taken responsibility for someone, when he had no cause to. I saw a kind and compassionate man. I saw a role model for my son. I saw a celebrity, loved by thousands of fans.

But in that moment, I simply saw a boy, with beautiful blue eyes, who was lying with me inside of a pillow fort.

The air around us suddenly felt very heavy as I felt something, I couldn’t name what it was, but something passed between us. With the soft light surrounding us, I suddenly felt as if the outside world didn’t exist. The world was made of blankets and cushions now and we were its only inhabitants. I wasn’t sure how long we lay staring at each other, it could have been thirty seconds or thirty hours, but we both jumped in surprise when Robb’s voice sounded again so I knew that whatever I had been feeling, I hadn’t been the only one.

“Are you ready?” he demanded loudly.

“Yes.” We called as the air around us suddenly felt lighter and not so charged with meaning.

Suddenly the shadow of a little hand came over the blanket that acted as the roof, Robb moved thumb up and down and I realized he was playing shadow puppets.

“Guess what it is!” he called.

“A bird.” Said Richard immediately.

“What kind?”

“A chicken?” he guessed.

“Nope.”

“A duck?”

“Yep! Mum it’s your turn. You make a shadow puppet now.” Robb instructed.

Sitting up, I deliberately didn’t look at Richard as I crawled out of the fort and Robb crawled back in, before I took my position standing over the roof blanket, “You ready?” I asked.

“Yep!” they called.

I laid both of my hands on top of each other, sticking one finger out and moving my thumbs in small circles.

“A turtle!” cried Richard.

“Yes!” I smiled, “You’re turn.”

And that was how the rest of the night continued, we continued playing shadow puppet games, even going so far as to eat dinner in the cubby before Robb finally fell asleep. Once again, in what would be the last time for our trip, Richard picked him up and carried him to bed.

After that we went out into the lounge room to pack up the blankets and put the couch back together. Now that we were alone again, I was reminded of when we were in the cubby and what had transpired between us.

I wasn’t really sure what it was. My mind kept trying to label it as fear, that was what I normally felt when I was that close to a man, but somehow the description just didn’t seem to fit. When I thought of Richard, or of anyone touching me, I did feel fear. But what I had felt in that tent, when we were so close together but not touching, was something else.

We fell into a comfortable silence as we packed up the lounge room.

“Are you all set to leave tomorrow?” he asked conversationally as he placed the pillow cushions back on the couch.

“Yep.” I smiled.

“Got everything?”

“I think so.” I frowned, “If we leave anything could you possibly mail it over?”

“Of course.” He smiled.

We stood there for a moment, unsure of what else to say or do. It reminded me of the awkward moment from the first night that we had stayed here; when Richard had made to leave before saying goodnight. There was a sense of playful awkward to the moment that made me smile, it was just so obvious that neither of us had any idea of what to do. I suddenly felt as if I was a fourteen-year-old girl again, awkward and unbearably shy, with no idea what to do in social situations.

Unable to the silence much longer I simply announced, “Goodnight!” before I fled down the hallway to our room.

…

The next morning Richard drove us to the airport and my heart ached with sympathy as I watched him say goodbye to Robb. They hugged for a solid minute before they released one another and he turned to me.

He leaned forward as if to hug me, but suddenly stopped himself, “Ah,” he began, seeming unsure of what to do.

I knew what the problem was, now that he knew about me and my fear of being touched, he was politely respecting that. But that left him a little unsure of what to do, when his natural reaction was to do something physical.

Smiling at his curtesy I reached out and grasped his hand in mine, that was all I was comfortable with, and smiled, “Thanks Rich, for everything.” I said sincerely.

There was no way I could possibly convey how grateful I was to him. But I hope that extending that small measure of trust, in reaching out and taking his hand, he would see how much everything he had done had meant to me.

He smiled back a short, quick smile, as he squeezed my hand reassuringly, “Anytime.”

After that we said our goodbyes and headed onto the plane.

I was strangely sad to be leaving. Not just Richard, who I had grown so fond of, but London in general. I would miss the easiness of being in a place that held no fear or bad memories. I would miss the old buildings and the English accents. I would miss walking amongst the people, not having to wonder if any of them knew about my past.

The flight back was not as long as the flight over as I actually managed to sleep and had an easier time keeping Robb occupied, talking about the trip and Richard.

When we landed, my father was waiting at the airport with a little handmade sign that read ‘My Beautiful Daughter and Grandson’.

I smiled when I saw him and hugged him tightly before we went home.

Once I wheeled my case into my bedroom I realized, with some alarm, that the bouquet of flowers I had gotten from the nursing home were dead. Their dead petals and dried leaves decorated my bedside table and the water had turned brown.

Amused I grabbed my phone and turned it to face me as I recorded a video for snapchat, “Come back after being away for two weeks and…” I said as I turned the phone to face my bedside table, “I think my flowers are dead.”

To emphasize my point, I zoomed in on the dead petals, giggling before I posted the video.

I got a few ‘welcome back’ texts from cousins and one from Richard, which was a picture of him with a sad face and a caption that read; ‘Glad you got home safe. Missing you guys already.’

I smiled, I was glad to hear he was missing us but I wasn’t sure what was more puzzling; that I believed he missed us, or that I actually missed him?

The rest of the day was spent telling my parents about our fantastic time in London before enjoying a lovely Australian home cooked meal; parmigianas.

“Mel, why are you smiling at your food like that?” asked my mother as she served up dinner.

“No reason.” I replied, though Robb and I exchanged a secretive smile.


	10. Chapter 10

My life fell back into an easy pattern once more.

Monday to Friday, nine to three, I was at work and Robb was at school. I’d pick him up and drop him off.

Every Monday and Friday I would take Robb to the park after school. Tuesday and Thursday I’d make dinner. Every Wednesday we’d go to the nursing home to check up on the garden. And every second night we would skype with Richard.

We would start the call around seven o’clock at night and Robb would go to bed an hour later. Most nights Richard and I would sit up talking for a good two or three hours after that.

We would speak about everything. No topic was off the table between us. When he would ask anything about Robb or about our past, I would do my best to answer because I knew he wasn’t being nosy, he simply wanted to know. And given his large role in Robb’s life, I felt that he had a right to know about anything that he wanted.

“Tell me about that first morning. What happened? What was it like? Coming back into the world after being away for so long?”

“I remember that morning like it was yesterday. I woke up in bed and I felt like… well I felt like I had only been taking naps for the last six years and that was the first time I had really slept. I woke up to Robb shaking me awake, he said ‘Mum the sun is getting inside!’ and I realized that he had never actually seen a window before. I had to explain what it was and how the blind worked. He didn’t seem to understand how the window was made, so I explained that it was like a force field.” I said simply, “Then I took him to the bathroom and looked in a mirror for the first time in six years and… seeing my reflection, that was a real shock. I’d forgotten what I looked like. In my mind I was still a flat chested fifteen-year-old girl. But looking in that mirror, I saw a woman. And I think that frightened me the most. How had I become this tall, slightly tanned and skinny woman with hair down to her back? I didn’t recognize myself and I wondered if my parents would. Then Robb popped up by my side and looked in, asking ‘who is that?’ and I simply smiled and said ‘that’s us.’ He didn’t believe me at first but after we played about moving a little he accepted that it was us and stood there for a whole five minutes making faces at himself.” I smiled.

“What did you do?”

“I had my first hot shower is six years.” I grinned.

“Was it good?” he smiled.

“It was so good I couldn’t even stand up. I sat on the floor of the shower for, I don’t know how long, until Robb came and got me.” I smiled.

A woman had once told me that a good hot shower was how sex was supposed to feel like. Given my experience with sex, I didn’t believe her. I’d just settle for the hot showers.

“Then what happened?”

“We got dressed and went back to bed and they brought us breakfast. Robb didn’t understand the whole ‘eating breakfast in bed’ thing so we sat on the floor. They gave us pancakes with bacon, eggs and fresh fruit. Nothing had ever tasted as good as that fresh fruit did. Robb was more fascinated with the bacon, I had to explain that it came from a pig; he’d never had meat before. He kept thinking it was real and asking why it didn’t oink and stuff. It was kind of funny at the time but I think back on it now and think how sad it was.” I said as a frown came onto my face.

“It’s not sad. I know plenty of kids that haven’t seen a pig before.” He reasoned.

“Yeah but it was the reasons why he had never seen a pig that bothered me.” I sighed.

There was silence for a moment before Richard spoke, seeming to want to change the subject, “What was it like when you saw your parents again?”

“About as emotional as you can imagine. I was always very close with my parents, closer than a lot of teenagers are. Seeing them again it was like…” I closed my mouth as I tried to think of a word to describe it, “It felt like I could breathe again. It felt like I’d only ever been taking short shallow breaths and once they were there I suddenly felt as if my lungs were full of air. Ironically I was actually a blubbering mess I could barely say the words ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ I just sobbed.”

“What did your parents say?” he asked, his voice was quiet, as if he too could feel the emotion behind what I had been describing.

“My mother didn’t say anything. She just cried. But when I turned to my dad, he was crying too but he said ‘Hello Melon’ which was my pet name. Which of course brought on a whole new round of tears for us both as I hugged him. And I knew all my worries about seeing them again had been for nothing.” I said.

“What were you worried about?” he frowned.

“That they wouldn’t want me. They’d been without a kid for so long, who wanted that hassle again?” I said simply.

“You’re their daughter.” Richard replied, seeming a little confused by my fears.

“I know. But it’s the things you think about. Especially when everything is going so well, you’re just waiting for something to go wrong you know?” I asked, hoping he could possibly understand the fear that had plagued me ever since I had woken up in the hospital.

“I can understand that to some extent.” He revealed, “When I got Thrones, I kept thinking that they would fire me at any second. I couldn’t have possibly landed this job. There was no way I was that lucky.”

“That’s kind of what it’s like.” I allowed.

“How’d your parents react to meeting Robb for the first time?” he asked curiously.

“My mum was the first to notice him. She said ‘This must be Robb.’ And I broke away from hugging my father to introduce them but Robb had already figured it out, calling them Grandma and Grandpa. My mother simply smiled and said ‘hello.’ But it was my dad who I was worried about. I watched as he stared at Robb and I knew he must be seeing him as a consequence of what had happened to me. I was suddenly worried that he would hate him, after all he was part Jonah. But he surprised me; my father had always been a very gruff kind of man, I’d never really seen him interacting with children, but he got down on one knee so he would be Robb’s height and said ‘Hello mate.’ And I just…” I trailed off, “I’ll never forget it. The love that was in both of their eyes.”

“Did you doubt that they would?”

I sighed deeply, in truth I had doubted they would love and accept Robb because I sometimes had trouble with that myself. I wondered for a brief moment if I should even tell Richard why I had been so doubtful, he would surely think I was a horrible person, but, I didn’t want to lie to him.

“I love my son. I love him with all my heart.” I began, I wanted to make sure he knew that.

“Mel, anyone that is around you two for more than a minute knows that.” He said simply.

I couldn’t look at the screen as I spoke, “Sometimes though, when I see bits of Jonah in his look or the way he does something… I get reminded of him and I hate that. I hate that a small part of him belongs to Jonah. That he’s apart of him.” I said, feeling ashamed.

“Mel,” he began, his voice tender, “you’re only human. No one would blame you for feeling that way.”

I glanced up at him through my lashes, “I think that is why I was so eager to take you up on your offer. I thought, if Robb thinks you’re his dad, then I can kind of erase the bits of Jonah in him you know? Replace them with bits of you.”

“Of me?” he asked.

I nodded, “I already see it in the way he does a few things; like the way he eats. He eats like you.”

“How exactly do I eat?”

“With your head slightly bent over your plate. You don’t bring your fork up to meet your mouth, you sort of lower your head a bit and meet your fork halfway.” I explained.

He blinked in shock, “Do I?”

I nodded, “Robb does it too now.”

“Huh.” He said, seeming to absorb the information with a bit of pride.

“And that’s just one of the things I’ve noticed.” I smiled, “Have you listened to how he speaks certain words? He says them with a Scottish accent. Just like you.”

At that Richard smiled broadly, “Well if he can master a Scottish accent he’ll be a hit with the lasses.” He said, his Scottish accent sounding particularly strong.

“Oh god.” I groaned, “Please don’t teach my son about girls yet.”

He laughed and I joined in.

“What do your parents think?” he asked suddenly.

“About what?”

“About everything. About me. About Robb. About what happened to you.” He asked.

I sighed, the questions weren’t as easy to answer as they sounded, “They love Robb. From the moment they met him they loved him. They always wanted grandchildren and when I disappeared, they thought they would never have any.”

“And me?”

“They think it’s good for Robb to have a role model. They worry about it being someone so far away, but they agree with me that he shouldn’t know about his real father until he’s ready. I actually got them into watching Game of Thrones the other day.” I smiled.

“Oh yeah? How far in are they?”

“Only season one. Every time my mum sees a scene with you she goes ‘What a lovely young man.’ And I’m like ‘Mum, it’s not real’.” I smiled, “And my dad just thinks Bran should be on the iron throne.”

He smiled, seeming amused.

The last part of his question was the hardest to answer, “My parents weren’t there when I told the doctors and the police, but they knew bits and pieces and that was enough for my father. But my mother…” I trailed off, “She wanted to know everything. She even said to me ‘I need you to tell me everything.’ And I said to her, ‘I don’t want you looking at me in a different way. I don’t want you thinking about what happened to me every time you see me.’ And she just said ‘every time I look at you, all I think is that my baby girl is home.’ And well, I couldn’t really refuse her after that.”

“Why did she want to know?” he asked.

“I thought it was because she wanted to help me. But my shrink seems to think it’s because she wanted to go through it with me. Kind of as a way of punishing herself. Of course I felt horrible when I heard that but she assures me it’s just because she wants to understand so she can help.” I sighed as I shook my head.

“Not a lot of people would have had the courage to tell their parents what happened.” He observed.

I shrugged, I’d always been particularly close with my mother and told her about most things in my life. But my father… it was different. He was a man of action and hearing what had happened to me wouldn’t make him understand, it would make him angry. He knew enough and that small part set his blood boiling. If I was to tell him about the mental abuse as well… no good would come of it.

“My dad wants to meet you.” I said suddenly, hoping to get off the unpleasant topic.

“Does he?”

“Oh yeah. I think he wants to take you fishing.” I smiled.

“I don’t know about that.”

“Why? Got a weak stomach?” I teased.

“No. I’m more afraid to be alone with your father.”

I frowned in confusion, “Why?”

He looked at me for a moment through the computer screen, as if I was missing something obvious. But for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Don’t worry.” He dismissed and we moved on to talking about lighter things.

“Did you see that we made the paper?” I asked as I leaned over and grabbed my handbag from beside the bed.

“What?” he frowned.

I grinned as I produced the magazine I had brought today. Robb and I had been walking home when he suddenly said, “Look Mum! It’s us!”

Following his little finger, I spied a magazine that did indeed have pictures of Robb and myself, with Richard. My curiosity piqued, I went over and grabbed the magazine and flicked to the article that proclaimed ‘Madden’s Yummy Mummy’.

The article had a few pictures of Robb, Richard and I about London, seeing the sites and sitting in the park, but the main ones were of us all at the beach. Interested, I began to read;

Richard Madden has found love again! With Australian’s own cult escapee, Melanie Porter. The two met some months back and Richard was smitten ever since. They reunited for a short holiday in London in which Madden happily took on the role of father to Porter’s five-year-old son.

‘He’s so in love.’ Says a source close to the Game of Thrones Star, ‘Not just with her but with Robb as well. He wants them to move to London as soon as possible. He loves playing happy families.’

Which is obvious by recent paparazzi pictures in which Richard is seen constantly doting on Porter’s young son. But it seems he pays special attention to Miss Porter as well.

‘She was at the stage door the last night of his play and he only had eyes for her.’ Dished a fan who witnessed the two of them greeting each other quite warmly before heading off together, ‘He’s not only enamoured by her son but by her as well.’

Porter’s family couldn’t be happier to see their daughter putting her past behind her and finding love again. Melanie made headlines six years ago when she was snatched off the street by an unknown assailant. Then a few months ago, she resurfaced with her son as an escapee from the cult that had kidnapped her.

Miss Porter is yet to give a statement or interview about her time in the cult, despite media interest. But sources say she is reluctant to bring attention to herself as her kidnappers still remain at large.

But these fears seemed to have no stopped the young woman from finding love and with an international star no less, her attempts to live under the radar have certainly be thwarted.’

The whole article was quite amusing as it went into the details of our trip over to London, detailing each day with accompanying paparazzi pictures. The whole thing was so amusing that I actually brought the magazine just so I could show Richard.

“Yeah, my publicist was on me the other day about all these articles online about us. Someone took video of us at Disneyland and sold it to TMZ.” He explained.

“Oh god.” I said as I googled said video, we were waiting in line for a ride and I was stuffing my face with a pretzel, “Typical. They get video of me eating.”

“Could have been a video of you screaming on one of the rides.” He reasoned.

“True.” I laughed, “But this is so weird! That people take such interest in this kind of stuff. We aren’t even doing anything interesting in the video, or pictures, yet people are eating it up.” I marvelled.

“Yeah I know.” He agreed, “You’d think people wouldn’t really care about someone walking down the street but apparently they do.”

“I know this is probably all standard for you, but right now I’m having an outer body experience. Like is that really what my hair looks like? I always thought I was blond but it’s more of a light brown.” I said as I examined one of the pictures that was on a paparazzi site.

He laughed, “I never noticed how noticeable the blonde streak in my hair was until I started getting photographed all the time.”

I was momentarily distracted as I clicked through the pictures of us at the park in Paris and walking about London. I noticed that in half the pictures I seemed to have my hand in my hair, pushing it off my face. I wasn’t even aware I did it that much, but apparently I did.

As if by habit I ran my hands through my hair to push it off my face.

“This is weird.” I said after a moment.

“You’re not mad are you?”

I turned to look at him through the computer screen, “Why would I be mad?”

“Well your anonymity is kind of shot to hell with all these pictures.” He explained.

“Pictures of me in London.” I corrected.

“Yeah but aren’t you afraid that-” he began but I didn’t let him finish.

“If people think I am living in London when I’m really living in Melbourne, I’m completely fine with that.” I explained, “Don’t even worry about it.”

He sighed and I knew he still felt a little guilty.

“It’s not even your fault.” I continued, “It’s not like you called the paparazzi and was like ‘hey I’m going to be at the Eifel tower today, come take pictures’” I said in a poor imitation of a Scottish accent that made him laugh.

“That was terrible.” He commented.

“My Scottish accent is brilliant thank you very much. I’ve been watching Brave.” I smiled.

“I haven’t seen that movie.”

“What? How can you as a proud Scottish man have not seen a movie about Scotland?”

“You grow plants. Have you seen Little Shop of Horrors?”

“Little shop of what?”

“I rest my case.” He smiled.

…

One weekend, Robb and I were in the backyard doing what we did most Saturdays. I was tinkering in the garden and he was running around with his newly acquired sword, pretending to slay a dragon or something.

I’d just added the snail pellets to the vegetables when I heard the doorbell rang.

“Someone’s at the door mum.” Announced Robb.

“Yeah I heard that.” I said as I stood up, brushing my hands on my jeans I made my way through the house with him following close behind.

Cautiously I looked through the peephole to see the postman standing at my door. Satisfied I opened it.

“Registered post for Miss Melanie Porter.” Said the postman in a bored voice.

“That’s me.” I said as I stood in the doorway.

“Sign here.” He said, showing me the little mobile device.

Grabbing the attached pen, I scribbled my signature before he handed me a thick yellow envelope.

“Have a nice day.” He called as he walked down the front pathway.

“You too.” I called as I stared at the envelope curiously, there was an insignia from a law firm in the corner of the envelope.

“What’s that mum?” asked Robb.

“I don’t know.” I said simply as I walked into the lounge room and sat down on the couch.

There was no identification from the sender except the law firm; was I being sued? Had I broken a law?

Feeling a little apprehensive, I tore open the envelope and grabbed a piece of paper. The first was obviously from the law firm;

 

‘To Miss Melanie Porter,

On behalf of the Pilkington estate we extent our deepest sympathies for the loss of Mr. Rupert Pilkinton.

We have insured that the legal documentation that he arranged before his death to settle his estate has been notarised and accounted for.

Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact our office.

Richard Lang-Fox,

H&R Law’

 

Below that was a list of numbers and addresses for the law firm.

I thought the letter would explain what was going on but it only worked to puzzle me more, it was then I grabbed the second letter that was hand written and began to read;

 

‘Dear Melanie,

I cannot begin to describe the happiness you and your son have brought me in the last few months.

Not only for the garden, which I am happy to say I spend most of my time now, but with the brightness your son brings whenever he visits. You truly have a wonderful son and you yourself are a bright young girl who has shown more compassion and thoughtfulness to this old man in a month than most people have shown me my entire lifetime.

My wife and I were never blessed with children. Had we been lucky enough to have a daughter, I hope that she would have been a lot like you. I even imagine from time to time that we would have had a grandson just like Robb. I know that my wife, though she is no longer with me, would have loved you both and agreed with my decision.

Though I never thought to mention it to you, I knew who you and your son were and what you have both been through. I cannot express my deepest condolences to you.

What you have endured is something no one ever should have and yet you have managed to come through the other side of what can only be descried as hell as a beautiful young woman with an equally beautiful son.

Nothing can ever replace the things in which you have lost. And I am sure your life will be filled with many more challenges, but hopefully this will help.

Love,

Rupert Pilkinton.’

 

I was beginning to understand; Rupert Pilkinton was the man I had met the first day when I went to the nursing home and offered to plant a garden. From the letters, I gathered that he had died and left Robb and I something in his will. But what on earth was it? There were only two bits of small paper left in the envelope.

Tipping them out so the fell into my lap I grabbed the first rectangle of paper and flipped it over; it was a cheque made out to Robb for over fifty thousand dollars.

I felt as if my stomach had fallen down into my shoes; fifty thousand dollars? That couldn’t be right. This man could not have just given Robb fifty thousand dollars.

It had to be a mistake, so I picked up the other piece of paper and felt my heart leap into my throat, as I read a second cheque addressed to me for one hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

All the air seemed to have disappeared from my lungs as I sat there in absolute and total shock. This had to be a mistake, there was no way it could be real. I flipped the two cheques over and held them up to the light, trying to see if they were forgeries. They looked pretty real to me. I read the letter from Rupert again and his lawyer. It all seemed to be real but I couldn’t bring myself to believe it!

Many people talked about what they would do with a sudden influx of cash but no one ever really has a chance to do it. And now I did.

“Mum, are you ok?” asked Robb suddenly.

I turned to look at him, my son. My beautiful son who I could now afford to give a good life. Who now had fifty-thousand dollars to his name for just being an amazing kid.

Unable to speak I grabbed his head and crushed it to my chest as tears sprung at my eyes. The two cheques were still in my hands; I was holding them so tightly the paper was crinkling.

“Mum, what’s going on? Why are you crying?”

Releasing him momentarily I turned so that I was grasping both his cheeks, “I’m happy Robb!” I told him as tears streamed down my dace.

“But you’re crying.” He said, frowning in confusion.

“They’re happy tears.” I sniffed.

“Whose got happy tears?” asked my mother as she walked into the room.

Releasing Robb I stood up holding the cheques and stumbled over to my mother, waving them about happily.

“What?” she asked in alarm, “What is it?”

I held the cheques up in front of her face, unable to speak joy seeped through every part of my body starting in the pit of my stomach.

She gasped loudly and grabbed the cheques, staring at them both with disbelieving eyes before she said, “Oh!”

I squealed in excitement as tears continued to stream down my face before I grabbed her and hugged her tightly. At some point I started laughing as I hugged her, still crying.

“John! Get in here!” demanded my mother.

I was breathing quite rapidly and loudly as I put my hand over my mouth and continued to sob.

“What’s going on?” asked my father as he walked into the room.

My mother simply showed him the cheques.

His eyes went wide as he stared at the cheques before he turned to us both, “Are these real?”

I couldn’t speak. I was still crying.

“What’s wrong?” demanded Robb coming to stand at my side as he frowned in confusion, “Why is everyone crying?”

Bending down I scooped him up and hugged him to my chest, “Nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful!” I told him as I pressed my lips to his cheek before I crushed him to my chest.

…

That night we went out for dinner; my treat.

It was absolutely lovely for the first time in my life to be able to take my parents out to dinner instead of them always doing it for me.

I let Robb buy one toy that he really wanted, which turned out to be a remote control car, before I put the rest of his money in a trust account that he could access when he was twenty-one.

My automatic reaction was to split the money with my parents. No matter how many times I tried to insist that at least half the money should go to them, they would not take it.

“Honey, we own our home. We have our own nice cars and a decent amount of savings, we don’t need your money.” My father would assure me time and time again.

“You keep it and buy yourself something nice. That was what we’d do with it anyway.” Explained my mother.

That request was not as easy as it sounded. I didn’t have a driver’s licence, so I couldn’t buy a car. And I was so used to shopping cheaply that the thought of spending over one hundred dollars on a pair of shoes or a handbag was unthinkable. Even though my mother and I, along with my aunt and cousin, went to Chadstone Shopping Centre the very next day and went shopping, I’d barely made a dent in my newly acquired money.

I was very careful on Monday on who I told about my new wealth; Richard was one of them and Lilly, who I had taken to talking to every now and again.

“So I guess that means you’ll be opening up your own flower shop soon huh?” she asked when I told her.

I smiled, that had been an idea I was tossing around. I was still debating on how I wanted to go about starting up such a business venture, did I start with a simple stall at a market? Buy a van and do deliveries? Which was a little problematic given that I couldn’t drive.

So a store might be the way to do, one with a big enough section out back that could act as a greenhouse…

“And moving to London.” She smiled.

I stared at my phone curiously, we were currently video calling one another, though I thought it might have been called ‘face timing’, “What was that?”

“You said if you ever won the lottery that you would move to London.” She reminded me.

I blinked in shock; I had said that. It had completely skipped my mind until then and it was definitely something to think about.

The first person I talked about it with, was obviously my parents, which I was a little hesitant about because I was almost certain their reaction would be not to do it and I wasn’t sure what I wanted yet.

“So, I was thinking,” I began casually as I was chopping up some carrot for the vegetable bake I was making, my mother was sitting across from me peeling potatoes at the bench while my father was helping Robb with his homework in the lounge room.

“About what?” she asked not looking up from her task.

“I was thinking about using my money to move to London.” I said casually.

“What?” demanded a voice.

I turned around to see my father had walked into the room, he was staring at me in alarm, “why would on earth would you want to move to London?” he demanded.

“Ah, well,” I stammered, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed, “I really liked it when we were over there. So did Robb.”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with that boy Richard does it?” he asked.

“John.” Scolded my mother before she turned to look at me, “That’s a big change darling.”

“I know but I was thinking that it could be a good place for a new start.” I shrugged.

“What do you need a new start for?” asked my father.

“There’s still a lot of bad memories here. A lot of people know about us here and it could be good to get away from all of that.” I explained.

“Mel, we just got you back. And now you want to move halfway across the world?” he asked.

Guilt clawed at my stomach, I hadn’t thought of that.

“I think it’s a good idea.” Interrupted my mother.

I looked up at her in confusion.

“What?” asked my father, speaking the exact question I had just been thinking.

“I think a fresh start could be good.” She explained.

“She hasn’t even been back with us a year and your suddenly ok with her moving to another country?” demanded my father.

“No, I’m saying a fresh start could be good for all of us.” She said calmly.

I was still confused, “what?”

“Before you came back your father and I we’re travelling a lot; we’ve seen most of Australia. And Europe was next on the agenda. It could be good to move over there to have easy access to the rest of the world.” She explained.

“So… you guys would move with me?” I asked.

Part of me liked the idea. Even though it would be December in two months, signalling a year since I had escaped from the cult, I still wanted my parents to have a big part in my life. They had missed them so much during my time in the cult that the thought of leaving them now made me sad.

But at the same time, Robb would be six soon and I would be twenty-two, we couldn’t really continue to live with my parents could we?

“No necessarily.” She qualified, “I mean, we would be traveling most of the time. But it would be good to have a place to come back to in between traveling that’s not as far away as Melbourne.”

I blinked, I liked that idea. I liked that idea a lot because it meant that I would only be living with them part time, but they would still be heavily involved in my life. Actually if I was staying in the place where we were all living the majority of the time, it was more like they were living with me, not the other way around.

“Wait, no.” I disagreed, “I can’t ask you guys to pack up your entire lives and move to another country, that’s insane.”

“We wouldn’t be packing up our lives.” disagreed my father, “We would rent this place out. Find somewhere to live in London and travel the world like we wanted to.”

“We can always come back here if it doesn’t work out.” Said my mother.

“So can you.” Added my father quickly.

Wait, was I agreeing to this? No way! This was all happening too fast and there were still people I needed to ask. Whose opinions needed to be considered, Robb most of all, and Richard.

“I’m still thinking about it.” I qualified, “But it’s nice to know your opinion on it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Lovelies,  
> So this story was inspired by my love for Richard Madden and the movie 'Room'.  
> This story will feature characters from my other story 'Granade' but you do not have to have read that story to understand this story.  
> To find out more about the story and see all the little extras that go with it, check out my tumblr: http://teaenthusiast65.tumblr.com/


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